Life with/out a Cat

I'm getting a kitten in a week's time!!!

Can't wait to have a little companion ;)



http://www.mixtapecomics.com/journalcomic/2013/01/23/01232013/

Little gems...

"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it."

-Lou Holtz

Late Night Wisdom

"Life will break you.
Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning.
You have to love. You have to feel.
It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.

And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.

Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could."

-Louise Erdrich

Hope Springs

I think I've identified the glaring imbalance in my life... Something I've battled to find contentment in, but tried to because of a weird obligation. Obligation is so tightly wound up with guilt and really just becomes a smothering cage for the creative soul.

More about that IF the steps I take over the next week "work", otherwise I'm praying for an attitude adjustment... Because the lack of joy is poisoning my life, my relationships and my body.

I'm thankful for peace as I lie in bed... Maybe my flowering season is just around the corner? Either way, I'm determined to battle this next dragon, I'm becoming quite a slayer ;)

Sometimes I need a gentle reminder

I'm quite determined to get on top of the dark cloud that's been looming over my head. I'm looking at my priorities, the things that worry me, and solutions.

I'm trying to do the simple things, like making an appointment with my physio, writing all the good and bad down on paper so I can sort through my thoughts, reading positive literature and following my heart.

I will not be a victim.

"If you hurt inside, If you confide in me again..."

In 1997 a boy made me a mixtape and hid it in the hedge next to the gate at school.
The music on that mixtape shaped my musical education and was the soundtrack of my teenage years.

This song "Said Sadly" was on the tape and has always had a really special place in my heart - it's a really beautiful, heart twisting ballad...

I've missed the nights were Billy Corgan sung me to sleep.

night all

xxx

wish I could just... get away

I've been exhausted for weeks. People tell me to exercise... Do they realise that sometimes I huffle puff up the stairs?

I've been doing a Boundaries Course at church - they talk of pleasing people and not being able to say no. Am I pleasing people? I feel like I'm trying to keep my head above water most of the time.

I've tried to nap on weekend days, it helps some what, but I often wake up all sweaty-headachy-grumpy like a toddler. I oversleep most mornings, but struggle to get to sleep at night. There's too much light at night, I'm hot or cold, my body hurts, my mind whirls... No issues with falling asleep again after my alarm goes though!!! Seriously Sharon???
Brother shouts at me most mornings as he leaves with daily precision at 06:40 hours.
This morning I overslept and missed my early "meeting" - now I'm trying to juggle my day to allow for a later one... Why? Why? Why?

Where is my energy? I eat well, I've even been eating more to satisfy my body. I take my vitamins. How can I still be adjusting to sobriety, it's been 50 days? Am I adjusting to my meds? Its been almost 9 weeks.

Let's not even talk about how I'm so tired that I can't focus at work in the afternoons and end up catching up at home? Its a vicious cycle. My body hurts. I'm cross with myself.

I'm going to snooze a little now... Hopefully just for 30 mins...

What Makes You Tick?

"I loathe the expression 'What makes him tick?' It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm."
- James Thurber

Flexing My Emotional Muscles

I woke up much stronger, sleep deprived, but strong...

I'm sharing my vintage-nature-inspired-motivations with you.

Much love, happiness and joy dear reader

I can admit I'd be a bad astronaut...

A mess he don't wanna clean up

 

This has been a special song to me since it was released... I've often felt like a mess that no one wants to deal with... The lyrics resonate so much with me.

"I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that"

 "Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold"

"And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope"

 "I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'"

I've been moody, sensitive, crazy for as long as I can remember. I take pills for that... but sometimes they don't hold back the crazy. Like when I'm tired, or stressed... or the PMS monster takes over. Gosh, I really feel like a different person in my misery.

I think I should just listen to Fiona Apple for the rest of the day... she understands.

Loving more than Friday...

 

I am happy.

I am sober.

I am in love.

I am beautiful.

I am loved.

I am brave.

I am strong.

 

and I'm so blessed and lucky to have you all in my life...

 

*Pic and quote put together by me*

 

 

Battling Your Vices - mantras to reflect on... #4

Battling Your Vices - mantras to reflect on... #3

The Big Four Oh.

I am 40 days sober... probably the longest time without a drink since I turned 18... so in 13 years. Apparently I don't give myself enough kudos for what I achieve, and tend to beat myself up about not being perfect... exercise, money management, social life...

 

BUT

I have a healthy relationship with a GORGEOUS man.

I'm 40 days sober

I'm maintaining my weight

I'm getting my work done

Going to meetings

Loving God

and learning to be a better person

 

Lift a glass of Coke Zero in a toast to me ;)

 

xxx

Sobriety... and Wonderland....

Alice: Better read it first, for if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later.

 

Here's to sobriety xoxo

 

*Picture collage by me, quote from Ash.

Just Get It Done Today...

Battling Your Vices - mantras to reflect on... #2

Older, Wiser, Weirder ;)

Birthday Checklist

1 year wiser

15kg lighter

35 days sober

 

:)

 

I'm doing ok.

 

It's been quite a year, but I'm definately in a better place emotionally, physically and mentally than I was a year ago. Thanks to everyone who helped me get here, and I thank God for all my wins.

 

 

 

 

 

Battling Your Vices - mantras to reflect on... #1

Let It Go...

I'm learning about "resentment", how it creeps up and winds itself around me. It's absolute poison to the soul and often I don't even realise that my skin crawls, my eyes narrow and my nose scrunches up at the mention of certain people... or the sight of them... or the sound of their voices.

I've made a list of people. Some of them have hurt me, some of them just annoy me to such a point that I bitterly dislike them. You know the expression "I just don't like their face"? Well, half the list are made up of unlikable faces. I've heard it said that the things you detest in others can tell you a lot about yourself... oh.crap.

I came across this prayer in The Big Book, along with the instruction to say it everyday for two weeks for the person I resent. I'll be busy for a few months by the looks of things...

"Dear God, I have a resentment towards a person that I want to be free of. So, I am asking you to give this person everything I want for myself. Help me to feel compassionate understanding and love for this person. I pray that they will receive everything they need. Thank you God for your help and strength with this resentment." (BB, Freedom from Bondage: pg 552)

Quite challenging hey? So if you think you're on my list... don't worry, I'm praying good things for you... even if my teeth are clamped shut, I'm still getting the words out. Nobody said it would be easy...

Second Hand Book Trawl...

Also in the line of presents... anything along these lines in the 2nd hand book store

        

Birthday & Christmas - Typo Eye Candy

I love TYPO... http://shop.cottonon.com/typoshop/

With my birthday days away, and Christmas around the corner, my mom has practically begged me to do a wish list. I went online to Typo and picked out some cute goodies that I'd LOVE to own.

Basically falls under anything with an owl on it, coffee, water, notes, vintage storage...