Winning Streak : Day 69 #100daysofwriting

So, I've just caught up my two missing posts, I feel a very good creative flow happening tonight. I better keep this short and informal, not because I'm tired, but rather hungry.

In the hope of getting my life back in line, I've been very strict about my eating over the last two days, managed a good cardio session and got up at a decent time this morning. Progress!

My phone conked out last night so my social contact is decreased, I can still Whatsapp, but I don't have many numbers on my spare phone. I also suspect that most people (read random online men who I am now avoiding, see Day 67) think that I have blocked them because they should only be able to see my profile picture if I actually have them saved as a contact. I'm seeing this whole scenario as divine intervention because talk to strange men is really not benefitting my spiritual well being - I feel a little bit like I've put myself in a position to be rejected, judged and mistreated. Of course there have been some sweet conversations, but after all these years of pen friends and chat groups, a real connection is actually rare until you meet face to face. Perhaps I digress. The point is that I was putting myself under undue pressure by trying to find a boyfriend online. I feel happier now that I've thrown in the towel. Yes it works for some people, but rarely for me, make that never. I have never had a significant romantic relationship with someone from the internet. I've had firm friendships, but never romance. Insanity really is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

So here is to healthy mind, body and spirit. xoxox

Too Many Options : Day 67 #100daysofwriting

We have too many options and it's making us noncommittal.

Consider things like online dating and dating apps. Goodness me, I've been down that road a few times and felt the rejection. I've also hideously rejected. Or wavered in my attentions. Why? Because we are convinced that something better is around the corner. I've found myself dismissing someone based on their finger nails... ok, maybe no spark too, but those finger nails.... it was never going to work. Manicure? Nah, don't think it would have helped. Let's order our next date off the internet on the way to the car.

Why commit to one pair of jeans when you can have them in every single colour and only wear them once? We don't even need to leave the house to have them all delivered. Alright, admittedly I find it easier to find clothes that I want to keep forever than men. And jeans don't mind time-sharing your legs. Is it just me or did that sound awful? I don't think "bottom" would make it any less dodge.

I suppose we can eat food from all over the world without even hopping in the car, let alone a plane. I live in a very vibrant neighbourhood and have Mexican, Thai, Italian, Jamaican and Portuguese food all within walking distance! I really don't feel the need to choose one venue as my "local".

Honestly, I think it is actually only awful when it comes to dating, and I've had the same conversation with a number of people over the last week. Why choose? Why settle down? Don't we have a desperate need to be accepted and loved, held as favourite? Surely it appeals to have a constant presence in our lives? So why are so many people my age running around in mad circles to date as many people as possible? I'm guilty in my own way, and I really could have been persuaded to have a second date with at least a few of the guys - even the weird nails one. But then again, I have not met anyone that I really clicked with romantically in a very long time? Am I fussy or complex? Maybe sobriety makes me fussy? Or is it careful?

I've decided to just focus on the constants in my life, they need appreciation and attention. I'm tired of all the fickle online shopping.

YOUR CONCEPT OF MY BEAUTY.

First a thought – why when someone sees my photo online and they message me to tell me I’m beautiful/pretty/sexy, do they not say it to my face? Suddenly they are very encouraging of my exercise program because I “carry more weight than suits my bone structure”. I didn’t want their sycophantic praise to begin with, and I certainly don’t want their critique. Ok granted they don’t call me fat every time, but I really want to start poking my finger at their wild chest hair growth and point out that I will never be able to wear heels near them without towering above them, and that they smell funny, or need a pedicure. Don’t get me wrong, I could learn to love a Hobbit, but not when they are calling me an Umpa Lumpa!

Ok, I am grossly exaggerating but sometimes it’s an overall perception rather than hard fact in life?

Sometimes I feel pretty, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I love my outfit, sometimes I don’t. I spent too much time in the sun this weekend and now my skin is an itchy cage for my soul. When it comes to sunscreen I’m damned if I do and stand a 50 % chance of being damned if I don’t. I’m allergic to sunscreen in my old age. I’m also partially allergic to the outdoor. I get hives. My lips dry out and crack. As I type my face feels like an itchy desert mask but I’ve drunk 3 litres of water and resorted to nipple cream as a moisturiser. Do I feel pretty – NO.

This is at risk of being a full blown pity party. Can’t I just be pretty? Can’t someone just say it for real who isn’t another girl or biologically linked to me? Yes, I’m probably just having a bad day, but for Franks Sake!!!!

 

Maybe I just need to accept that I'm pretty funny, pretty insane and pretty much me.

 

 

Winter Gosh #100creativedays Day 58

I will waffle tonight. Its bloody cold so I'm cocooned in blankets, typing with my thumb, Arizona is sitting heavily on my arm... Wait, she must be reading over my shoulder because she gave a reluctant "meuw" and climbed down to my feet.

OK, where are we? 37 weeks sober tomorrow. (OK I feel like I'm in a Disney movie, predictive text preempted the three words following 37)

Am I so cold because I'm dead already? No, the afterlife doesn't have upstairs neighbours with high heel wearing toddlers.

Wow, easily distracted.

So I'm crazy sober and cold. Game of Thrones Season 4 is done and another year stretches out before us... I was disappointed by the season finale. No one else thought so... Was I over tired or expecting too much? The end of episode 8 was so hectic that nothing compares.

Online dating seems pointless... I don't need insecure strangers pointing out that I don't have a gym addiction. No Darling, gym is not one of the many addictions I battle with daily. And I thank my lucky stars, at least my arms lie flush against my body... And are soft to lie on.

And the little boy who asked me over to his house... I doubt dinner was on offer. So I told him I'm not Mr Delivery... Nor am I stupid enough to risk my life... He had to agree that if he was a girl he wouldn't go to strange boys' houses... Then why pray tell expect me to?

What else to tell? I recognised my pattern of getting boyfriends in winter and discarding them in January... Not necessarily the proceeding January, but it seems significant. OK maybe its happened twice. The other pattern of two is my Nov till Feb pattern - it covers my birthday, Christmas, New Years and the ends before Valentine's Day.

Anyone care to psychoanalyse?

Enough drivel, I need to do the horrible winter bathroom dash...

Faux Romance #100creativedays Day 49

Great title.
Now for content...

Internet dating, I know you like to read about that. OK, so, claiming that I need content for my writing and even more bizarre stories, I launched back into online dating and added a nifty match making app to the mix. I use the word nifty in jest, its plain bizarre. I'm not going to name sites as I neither wish to promote nor criticize.

Anyway, these guys! Seriously, has Hollywood not made it clear that serial killers lurk around every corner? Didn't I mention my obsession for crime shows? A marathon of "Criminal Minds" taught me more than enough about real life. That said - why would a man suggest that a girl come over to his house for the initial meet? Crime scenarios aside, I'm afraid I may be greeted by said man draped in a shorty kimono with Barry White crooning in the background. Or maybe he's only asked me round to babysit the twins while he goes on a real date....

Then we have the super lonely hearts... How many times can you mention your ex in one conversation? What? She left you at the alter? Please tell me all... Yes I'm a great listener.... Not.
I've just drifted off into a fantasy of popping a laxative into any offenders coffee... But the considerate lad might gas me with stench rather than skip out on a free therapy session.

I've also come across a new breed of "sorta single"... Do I look like I want your crazy girlfriend phoning me? I already have a stranger trying to dictate my access to a guy friend. I don't share well, nor do I deal well with other peoples issues of trust and integrity.

Hope you had a chuckle. ;) more venting another time

Xxx