Real? Day 20 #100daysofwriting

I actually hit something with my car tonight. I keep writing about it and deleting it. It was small, like smaller than a cat. It appeared to be oval and black. It darted in front of me, I heard a thump and then nothing. I drove up and down, peering into the dark rain for the body; but nothing.

Did it dart? Or did it blow? Was it even an animal? Was it nothing?

I felt bad. A police van drove past with sirens wailing while I drove slowly down the road. I felt like I'd committed a crime.
I wish I didn't feel so awful. If I'd found a pet I was fully prepared to take it to the vet. I'd imagined the plastic bags, the apologies. I tried to do right. But what if I did no wrong in the first place?

I really should sleep.

CART HORSE

This post has nothing to do with horses... other than the fact that I feel like my car is a very sick, lame cart horse... and it's high time that he went to "the farm".

I'm at my wits end - I should have let them write off my Uno when I crashed it. The excess was over 3 grand. And now my car is back in hospital with a host of issues that may or may not have something to do with hitting the engine end into another car. My mechanic seemed to think the engine may have shifted due to the accident, so I phoned my insurance, then he changed his mind. Cue me throwing my hands dramatically into the air. This is bound to be more thousands. I neeeeeed to sell this car. I need to bite the bullet and buy a very young car. The poor Uno is 19 years old, and has been mine for over 8 years.

He's been pretty abused while living with me. Not always by me. Twice he's been damaged by people trying to steal him. I've crashed him once into a car. Early on I spun him twice (no damage to him, just to my nerves). I managed to drive very hard into a raised yet grass-concealed drain and bashed a hole in the gear box (that was 8 years ago and I haven't lived it down). He's run out of petrol, he's dropped pieces of brake, his central locking has been temperamental, once his windows wouldn't open. Far too many people in my life have pushed him. Once he rolled into a garden (more serious than it sounds). He's carted the sick and the drunk. Once I fell asleep in the front seat, in my parking bay after a long night out. He's been filled with balloons, sprinkled with sea sand, I've laughed and sung along with the radio, I've balled my eyes out on to his steering wheel. I've changed his spark plugs myself and avoided changing his tires.

I need to end off now, I'm feeling pretty emotional. How do I let go?

Crash-Boom-Bang

“Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn't come to school
But when he finally came back
His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The car had smashed so hard”

                                         - Crash Test Dummies

I got into an accident yesterday on the way to work. It wasn’t bad in the mangled metal and bruises kind of way… more like the car that I rear ended still worked… and I was stuck in the intersection with a dead car… and obviously it was raining… me and a broken car, in the rain… a tad cliché now – ok maybe it only happened twice before. But rain does add a hideous melodrama to any mishap. Or is it me adding the melodrama? *throw hands in the air* It’s all about the story, dear reader!
Anyway, I’m in one piece, I’m insured…. And oh, how convenient…. I’m getting a salary bump at the end of the month… but, I also have a list of expenses… I did just buy a flat after all *sigh*

Let’s jump back 11 years to when I was 19, a poor student and learner driver…. When I wrote off my dad’s car, on a rainy night and both my parents landed up in hospital…. … That was a bad accident, and I really do think a part of me shattered that night…. I’m mostly put back together, but every so often a sharp edge tears at me a little bit, and I feel the fear…. Maybe that’s why I got such a huge fright yesterday, why I was bawling on the side of the road as if my heart was broken?

I think that’s all I want to say for now…. Everything will be ok, it always is….