Just me? : Day 71 #100daysofwriting

Me: Am I just surround by arseholey people this week or is it me?

Bro: No, you're surrounded by arseholes, that's why I'm being nice to you this week

Me: Oh, so you know I have PMS

Bro: No... you had PMS last week

Me: Nope

Bro: So what was wrong with you last week?

Me: *shrug*

My poor brother... I sometime forget that he doesn't see then nicest side of me and the last few weeks have been a strain. I don't remember being horrid last week, I wasn't even at home more or less than this week. But come to think of it, I've been happier in my soul since Monday evening - maybe back to gym was a good idea. Daily readings, more prayer, more writing, work coming together, less distractions... maybe things are very different? I think I might have been depressed last week? Was I?
I wish I had a handy place that reflected my daily state of mind... oh look, I have a blog! Yup, looks like I had some serious midweek blues last week! ;)

Anyway, glad to be feeling better, love my brother's sense of humour (because the above exchange was actually very funny), and so happy to have a long weekend coming up!!

Peace & love xx

Flexing My Emotional Muscles

I woke up much stronger, sleep deprived, but strong...

I'm sharing my vintage-nature-inspired-motivations with you.

Much love, happiness and joy dear reader

I can admit I'd be a bad astronaut...

A mess he don't wanna clean up

 

This has been a special song to me since it was released... I've often felt like a mess that no one wants to deal with... The lyrics resonate so much with me.

"I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that"

 "Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold"

"And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope"

 "I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'"

I've been moody, sensitive, crazy for as long as I can remember. I take pills for that... but sometimes they don't hold back the crazy. Like when I'm tired, or stressed... or the PMS monster takes over. Gosh, I really feel like a different person in my misery.

I think I should just listen to Fiona Apple for the rest of the day... she understands.

Spread some love...

 

Just sharing some love while my heart is glad.

I've been mood swinging all over the place. I haven't had the chance, or I suppose energy to commit anything to writing, I think I was afraid of emotionally vomitting over everyone. I feel strong today, so I will make some time this evening to update you, cross my heart.

Complacency

Why, with so many great things happening in my life - health, love and blessings - do I feel so awfully complacent?

I'm getting that bell jar feeling again.... I want to scream. PMS and too much winter? I've got a week of leave coming up, maybe I'll figure it out... maybe I'm just spoilt?

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”
― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild