Crawling up my bonnet
Boots crunch
Gravel against glass
Face up
Back down
Scream out
Rain pelts down
Soaking me to my soul
Wet dissolves fabric
Flesh to metal
Freezing
Shivering
Screaming
The sky is a horrible colour
Drained of love
Drained of purpose
Stars are hidden
Rain falls
Face up
Back down
Screaming
On the top of my lungs
Top of my car
The edge of my world
My mind
My tether
Missing you isn't even it
I loathe you
My blood screams
I want you
I hate you
I need you
Both comforter and executioner
Crawling
Screaming
Soaking
Lying
Words pound
Worlds crash
Blood screams
Boots crunch
Rain pours
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Saturday, 30 May 2015
Crash. - Day 2 #100daysofwriting
Thursday, 24 July 2014
Saturday, 24 May 2014
Addiction #100creativedays Day 32
I admit my addictive personality, I must say I always dismissed it as a concept because I didn't get into smoking or feel the need to try weed more than a few times. I was obviously blind to the real addictions that had already taken hold.
As with all addictions, mine centre on escaping situations and escaping my feelings, escaping my common sense, a longing for distraction, comfort and affirmation. I used to drink, like a lot, for all of the above reasons. I used to claim that I was just classy and appreciated wine... But I used to enjoy the oblivion I could achieve, the confidence I could fake. I used it to hide and to lie. Alcohol needed to be weeded right out of my garden in order for me to thrive spiritually, the lies were too much for me.
The other three addictions are the kind of things that need to be reined in, or they will destroy me. Food, men and shopping.
Food will not only make me fat, but ill if I abuse it. I get a very short lived comfort from carbs and chocolate. I mostly just feel ill.
Men. Well... Longing after the wrong ones, taking things said in anger to heart, putting too much value in the attention and affirmation of men. I find that without alcohol... I have very little tolerance of idiots... This doesn't bode well in dating.
Shopping... Well spending and spending on things is unhealthy. Cupboards full of clothes, the temporary high, the tokens of status. It's so empty. I've totally embraced budgeting and feel freedom already.
I feel off kilter, and my addict is needy today... I needed to just acknowledge in order to put her in her place. I ain't got the time for empty solutions... I'm going to face my dragons face on.
Xxx
As with all addictions, mine centre on escaping situations and escaping my feelings, escaping my common sense, a longing for distraction, comfort and affirmation. I used to drink, like a lot, for all of the above reasons. I used to claim that I was just classy and appreciated wine... But I used to enjoy the oblivion I could achieve, the confidence I could fake. I used it to hide and to lie. Alcohol needed to be weeded right out of my garden in order for me to thrive spiritually, the lies were too much for me.
The other three addictions are the kind of things that need to be reined in, or they will destroy me. Food, men and shopping.
Food will not only make me fat, but ill if I abuse it. I get a very short lived comfort from carbs and chocolate. I mostly just feel ill.
Men. Well... Longing after the wrong ones, taking things said in anger to heart, putting too much value in the attention and affirmation of men. I find that without alcohol... I have very little tolerance of idiots... This doesn't bode well in dating.
Shopping... Well spending and spending on things is unhealthy. Cupboards full of clothes, the temporary high, the tokens of status. It's so empty. I've totally embraced budgeting and feel freedom already.
I feel off kilter, and my addict is needy today... I needed to just acknowledge in order to put her in her place. I ain't got the time for empty solutions... I'm going to face my dragons face on.
Xxx
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