Not Perfect : Day 99 #100daysofwriting

Vegging on a couch, babysitting and trying not to dwell on the fact that I've avoided posting all week. My weekend was amazing but I've been pretty down this week. The kind of down that you can't pinpoint the cause, you're just exhausted and drained.

I'm much better now and it really was just a dark cloud but it's hard to write in that space - you'd think not but the creativity dwindles and self pity sets in.

I really need a healing weekend. Maybe with a fresh canvas and some paints. Oh, on the note of painting - "Art Sauce" on Roeland St is amaaaazing. Buy all my birthday presents there please!!!

I suppose it is ok that I missed a few posts and I will catch them up. I'm not sure that I'm going to launch a new 100 day challenge on Saturday... a photography one on instagram maybe?

I'm glad it's Friday tomorrow... I need it.

All Caught Up: Day 79 #100daysofwriting

I'm playing with words with this title - seeing as it is the last of the posts that I needed to catch up on.

The theme of my life lately seems to be stress. I'm not unhappy or screaming. I'm just tired and my tummy hurts. We have a lot going on at work. My dreams are very vivid. I'm working on my myself in relation to my approach to people. Writing everyday is not always a welcomed escape and feels like a chore sometimes. I can't really just vent the same stuff everyday online, I should be a little upbeat, right?

My friends seem to be in the same state, family too. So we all play schedule Tetris to try and shoe horn some social time. Often, even on weekends, I leave the flat in the morning laden with supplies to last me till 10pm - trailing lunchboxes, jackets, sneakers, books, beauty products... the works. I find myself sitting in traffic munching a chicken breast between engagements, or applying mascara and catching up on emails. All very amazing multitasking woman, but I'm drained.

This morning I woke up stressed, so I got into Shavasana (the corpse pose in yoga) and did some deep breathing. I felt it was necessary to pull my duvet over my head. Arizona got very concerned and sat on my chest trying to save me from hyperventilation under the covers. I suppose I tried.

But really, I'm ok. Told a colleague today that I'm too busy to worry about any mistakes I'm making or things I've forgotten - tell me and I will sort it out. I can't stop moving long enough to slip into self pity. I just need a holiday!!!

Come on Summer... the sun always helps!

Decompress : Day 83 #100daysofwriting

Stretch up
Lie down
Twist left
Bend right
Nothing shakes the feeling
Sit up
Lean down
Turn left
Bow right
Nothing releases the tension
Up
Down
Left
Right
Toss
Turn
Twist gently
Bend
Break
Breathe deeply
Nothing shakes the tension

Crushing Consternation : Day 78 #100daysofwriting

Galaxies
Written on dusty palms
Constellations
Crushed under tired heels
Words half heard
Forgotten
Thrown back
Angry lashings
Sea on stone
Worn down by words
Expectations
Snapped and dangerous
Wielded like swords
To fight a horrible fight
Wave after wave
Crashing
Crushing
Hands slap
Mock applause
Galaxies smear
Heels click
Exhausted

Quick Blast: Day 53 #100daysofwriting

Hey

Been battling a migraine all day and not feeling super creative. I really need to smash this coming week with regards to earlier starts, work and gym.

I've tried to dabble in dating again but frankly it bores me. I don't think I've properly liked anyone in a long time! Anyway, don't think I will be making time for any dates this week. Plus I'm broke till Friday so really will just take things easy.

Really do hope I feel OK in the morning! I need to continue my momentum with work outs!

xxx

Headspace : Day 42 #100daysofwriting

I'm in a weird headspace. Picture me weeping over a sitcom where a girl gives her baby up for adoption. Shaking with tears.

I packed too much into my evening last night and lay awake for hours. Feel like tonight could go the same way. Or not. I'm so sleepy and really don't want to write a post. I know I'm actually just afraid that I might start to unpack some of the things that are on my mind. Things that keep me up at night aren't easy to discuss. My head is a jumble of stuff - not all of it even my stuff.

I'm just going to try to sleep now.

peace x

Love and other drugs : Day 33 #100daysofwriting

I arrived pretty late
Black jeans
Angry boots
Wearing your jacket
Mouth full of opinions
Heart full of rage
Pain in my body
Ideas in my brain
You handed me something
To quiet the pain
And listened
While I rattled
And while I raved
Then you hugged me
And sent me on my way.

Searching : Day 16 #100daysofwriting

I look for you
In memories
In dreams
In dangerous ally ways of my mind
You haunt
You tease
You descend
Only to leave

I thought tonight
As I drove through
Darkened suburbs
Lazy love songs in my ears
I thought I saw you
A glimpse of you
In the distance
You languished
Lazy in the doorway
Of a 24 hour Pick 'n Pay
I searched the aisles
Grabbing at clues
Pieces of you
Humdrum demands
Still pounding in my head
Buzzing on my phone
I left clutching my clues

Back in the road
You promise to meet me at home
I search for you
But neighbours shout
And you flee
I'm left with my melting clue
My ice cream
And a packet of biscuits

**** I feel the poem ends here but I still want to explain - I'm in need of rest, relief, happiness, peace. I'm exhausted and run down. I'm emotionally low. I feel like I'm searching for my happy. That's what this poem is about. Feeling lost.

Crash. - Day 2 #100daysofwriting

Crawling up my bonnet
Boots crunch
Gravel against glass
Face up
Back down
Scream out
Rain pelts down
Soaking me to my soul
Wet dissolves fabric
Flesh to metal
Freezing
Shivering
Screaming
The sky is a horrible colour
Drained of love
Drained of purpose
Stars are hidden
Rain falls
Face up
Back down
Screaming
On the top of my lungs
Top of my car
The edge of my world
My mind
My tether
Missing you isn't even it
I loathe you
My blood screams
I want you
I hate you
I need you
Both comforter and executioner
Crawling
Screaming
Soaking
Lying
Words pound
Worlds crash
Blood screams
Boots crunch
Rain pours

Goldilocks & The Hangry B*tch

Me? Grumpy?
When I'm hungry?
I'm not a toddler... oh but I am. For years it's been no secret to my family (and friends) that if Sharon is hungry, thirsty, tired and or needs the toilet... you best press yourself against a wall and throw a muffin in the direction of the bathroom.

I've been a little grumpy this week - a combination of earlier mornings and better eating - mostly under the premise that I am not a child but a grown up capable of punctuality and portion control. My natural state is really antisocial hibernating bear with a life supply of cupcakes within arm's reach... but unfortunately it's more socially acceptable to have a job and to not snarl at people.

The last two days I've had to push out my lunch because of meetings, resulting in me being a little feral if someone tries to greet me, let alone tries to ask me a question. I stare wide eyed, weave dizzily and growl. How do I get SO hungry SO fast - I will feel normal and then want to claw someone to shreds to steal their lunch? I've heard it said that carbs cause that kind of hungry, but I find it more likely when I avoid carbs. In a way I feel all the high protein turns me into a slightly less green version of The Hulk. I'm not really asking for an answer, more thinking aloud.

It's crazy how much basic needs can effect our entire mood. The balance is precarious. We need to be not hot, not cold; not hungry, not full... Where are the Three Bears?

On that note... I need a healthy snack.... mmm Rooibos & Honey yoghurt will hit the spot and help the theme. Sorry again for what I said when I was hungry. xoxo

Exhausted Girl #100creativedays Day 73

Too tired to think, I've stared at this screen on and off for an hour, while watching "Deadbeat" - a silly series about a lazy guy who can see ghosts... Yeah, that's how brain dead I am.

A friend is away for a few days so I've been looking in on his kitten. A really sweety... Check out our very filtered selfie :)

Night kids

Home #100creativedays Day 22

My day came crashing down around me towards the end. My head swum with images of suffocating dark water... Very attractive dark water with greens, teals and blues... And a disturbing little orange fish... like Nemo... who kept darting away from my grasp.

Then I came home, and I pressed my lips to Arizona's dark fur, and The Squire let me lament, and then he put his arms around me and told me that I can't expect other people to understand. He understands though.

Now, post shower, cuddled up in pjs... I can breathe. And sleep.
Oh, how I will sleep.

constantly needing.....

.... food (ok, maybe just today)
..........motivation (more and more)
..... love

I've had another sort of grumpy, hungry day... oh wait.... we call that a protein day?

I had a meeting and lunch on the other side of Cape Town, which was lovely, but I feel very tired. I'm now killing time at work until it's time to go to Biblestudy. Is it ok that I just want my bed? Oh, wait, I'm leading Biblestudy.... how did that happen? I've honestly forgotten my notes at home so need to wing it a bit, I do at least have a Bible in my bag ;)

Oh, you want to know what I had for lunch? Steak, and admittedly nibbled on the side salad to look more socially acceptable. I'm sure Dr Dukan would forgive me.
Why am I hungry you ask? Because I didn't have my carefully timed snacks today, I function well with snacks.

My head feels sore and my body aches, I feel so disjointed, like I'm trying to communicate with the world through water.... I'm a mermaid mouthing in a tank and you just scowl, confused, back at me.
I'm exhausted from small talk and too much exercise. Or is that too little exercise? My neck aches. My jaw hurts. Maybe all the tension I seem to be carrying again?

I did have a big wash of love earlier, a sunbeam on a tiring day. I saw an old friend, her 2 year old reached out for me. I held her in my arms as she twirled her fingers in my hair. I felt so happy. How do I keep that feeling all day?

Relax I guess and just keep going?