Sleeping Beauty : Day 91 #100daysofwriting

Sleep.
I have a very weird relationship with sleep. I struggle to get to sleep at night and struggle to wake up in the morning. I can sleep all day and afternoon naps are parr for the course on weekend afternoons.

Getting to sleep at night is pretty much a fight with my inner toddler. I seem afraid of missing out on life. Sometimes I get stuck into a book or series. Sometimes I'm really anxious. Sometimes it's too bright in my room. Or I'm cold. Or Arizona is restless. When I drank I usually had wine before bed so sleep came easily.

Waking up seems to be hindered by the same stubbornness. A reluctance to face the world and my responsibilities. It wasn't always like this. Obviously earlier to bed would help!

Sometimes I totally crash and have a bed day - I can sleep the whole day when I'm run down. I'm not sure how healthy it is because I usually wake up dehydrated and starving. Arizona loves these days! I'm really hankering for a bed day soon! The irony is it is never too bright for day sleeping, it only matters at night! Naps I suppose are mini versions and are usually a few hours long.

I really do enjoy sleeping and usually dream, so I don't know why I am so stubborn about going to sleep! I'm very determined to improve in this area! Wish me luck!

All Caught Up: Day 79 #100daysofwriting

I'm playing with words with this title - seeing as it is the last of the posts that I needed to catch up on.

The theme of my life lately seems to be stress. I'm not unhappy or screaming. I'm just tired and my tummy hurts. We have a lot going on at work. My dreams are very vivid. I'm working on my myself in relation to my approach to people. Writing everyday is not always a welcomed escape and feels like a chore sometimes. I can't really just vent the same stuff everyday online, I should be a little upbeat, right?

My friends seem to be in the same state, family too. So we all play schedule Tetris to try and shoe horn some social time. Often, even on weekends, I leave the flat in the morning laden with supplies to last me till 10pm - trailing lunchboxes, jackets, sneakers, books, beauty products... the works. I find myself sitting in traffic munching a chicken breast between engagements, or applying mascara and catching up on emails. All very amazing multitasking woman, but I'm drained.

This morning I woke up stressed, so I got into Shavasana (the corpse pose in yoga) and did some deep breathing. I felt it was necessary to pull my duvet over my head. Arizona got very concerned and sat on my chest trying to save me from hyperventilation under the covers. I suppose I tried.

But really, I'm ok. Told a colleague today that I'm too busy to worry about any mistakes I'm making or things I've forgotten - tell me and I will sort it out. I can't stop moving long enough to slip into self pity. I just need a holiday!!!

Come on Summer... the sun always helps!

Lucid Dreams : Day 24 #100daysofwriting

I've been really ill with stomach flu for three days now, maybe even four, but in bed for three. It hurts so much at times, even though I have these magic stomach cramp pills.

I'm a pretty vivid dreamer under normal conditions, but add medication and we have a Hollywood block buster on our hands.

Years ago I watched a movie about lucid dreaming, where the dreamer can essentially control their dream. I've googled it and am pretty sure it was called "The Good Night". I remember very little of the actual story - lots of white, a beautiful girl - but what stuck was the technique of looking at your hands while in a dream. I think it's supposed to ground you so you can make decisions in the dream. I've actually done that in my dreams.

Anyway, without specifically trying, I've managed to get some control over my dreams. There is a big house that shows up often in my dreams. There is a huge library on the top floor, so I make sure that I get upstairs during my dream.

A few sleeps ago (note: I've been sick in bed and sleeping every few hours) I didn't like what was going on in my dream, so I lay down in the dream and pushed my shoulder into the floor. I woke up straight away.

Sometimes I have such realistic dreams that I can feel physical contact. This really sucks when I ask someone to pinch me to prove I'm not dreaming, while in the dream. It's not nice to be convinced of a reality, only to wake up.

I really enjoy being a dreamer and remember a fair amount. Some of my recurring dreams I'd prefer to drop - like the work dreams where we keep moving furniture around the office. Or the neighbour disputes, I'm glad my real neighbours aren't as weird.

On that note, off to dreamland I go...

A pause before waking - Day 10 #100daysofwriting

I float
In limbo
Between waking
And dream
Pulled back
By sound
That smell
Does the sun have a smell?
Summer time skin
Dry mouth
I crunch
The sleep from my eyes
Breaking the spell
Limbs stretch
Hands fumble
Time
Have I wasted
A chunk of day
An opportunity
Am I late
Lazy
Sleep crunches
Skin itches
Limbs stretch
Reality seeps
Dreams confuse.

(Come on) Let's Go!

I feel like I’m standing on a cliff, looking at a smashed car at the bottom of the valley. Someone who looks just like me has their fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulls me gently away from the scene with the words “Come on… let’s go”.

I thought something might be my way out, my salvation, the answer, the change I’d been waiting for… but it’s not for me. This isn’t about a man. This isn’t even about a car. This is a scheme, a dream, an admittedly cushy escape.

It’s really ok. I don’t need to stand here staring at what might have been. I wasn’t in the dream before it smashed. I’m pretty sure I shoved it off the cliff.

So I close my eyes, listen to “Let’s Go!” by the Smashing Pumpkins, turn and walk away.

 

 

"Don't dream it... Be it"

Went to Rocky Horror at The Fugard tonight - it was outstanding! 

I went last year in November with my family and boyfriend at the time. Maybe it was parental presence at a musical with adult content - my ex got rather prudish. I suppose I worried about my parents too - the live show with audience participation encourage is far racier than I remember the movie being! 

The opportunity came up to join a group of friends in seeing this sell out show again. This time I went all out. Our group basically filled a row and everyone of us had gone all out! Being in costume just elevated my enjoyment of the show. Was an amazing night!

I teased my hair, threw on an old black shirt (courtesy of The Squire), tights, boots, with a homemade apron and cap to finish off my Magenta outfit. I rocked the heck put of my costume - and it didn't cost me a cent to make.

In the words of Dr Frank-N-Furter : "Don't dream it, be it"

I see London, I see France, I see....

On my UK trip last year, I stayed with 5 different families (essentially). I've been fortunate enough, in the last seven months, to have the one family move back to CT, two of the families come visit (technically a third were here but I missed out of seeing them!) and the final family are coming to visit for Christmas! I feel very blessed and feel no need to travel outside of South Africa this year.

The trip really changed my life, opened my eyes and gave me a confidence I thought I'd lost. My parents have never been overseas - my dad is a bit of a home body, so I'm working on my mom. I'm pretty determined that we will go to Europe in July / August next year. A dear friend moved to Lyon close on four months ago - so we have someone to visit in France. We have people in London and Scotland. I'm sure we could bunk down somewhere in Amsterdam, or Prague, Italy or Spain.... *drifts into a daydream*

This REALLY needs to happen.....