Crash. - Day 2 #100daysofwriting

Crawling up my bonnet
Boots crunch
Gravel against glass
Face up
Back down
Scream out
Rain pelts down
Soaking me to my soul
Wet dissolves fabric
Flesh to metal
Freezing
Shivering
Screaming
The sky is a horrible colour
Drained of love
Drained of purpose
Stars are hidden
Rain falls
Face up
Back down
Screaming
On the top of my lungs
Top of my car
The edge of my world
My mind
My tether
Missing you isn't even it
I loathe you
My blood screams
I want you
I hate you
I need you
Both comforter and executioner
Crawling
Screaming
Soaking
Lying
Words pound
Worlds crash
Blood screams
Boots crunch
Rain pours

... it's not over yet

 

I've been trying to write for days, I can only think that maybe I haven't tried at all... because clearly I haven't posted anything?

 

I've let myself get into a little funk... maybe PMS? Maybe Winter? Maybe I'm just full of crap? Brother has been on stage 3 of Dukan all of July, so he gets to munch veggies everyday, gets cheat meals, gets to eat fruit... and still lost MORE weight. I think I got jealous, I started to sneak glasses of wine here and there... shrugged and took a slice of cake. Nothing in the way of a full cheat meal, but I've become complacent. It is not good. It does no good for my body or my spirit. I feel guilty. Someone told me yesterday that the righteous do not lose their righteousness in God, but sin slows them down. Although cheating on my diet isn't a sin against God, it is me breaking promises with myself. I fortunately haven't gained any weight, but the loss seems slow. I promise, I'm not going to wallow about it... I've lost 12kg now, but I need the discipline. I need to feel in control. I need to see this journey to the end - if there is an end.

 

Thanks for all the encouragement, please don't stop, I'm only 60% to my goal....

 

Another thought I want to leave you with, or that I want to leave myself with... I'm not sure. But:

 

What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid of success? of happiness? of the life meant for you? what do you lose by trying?

Seriously Sharon?

Seriously?

 

*clearly there's more going on in my head than weight-loss... more about that when I'm ready

 

xxx