Attention Seeker : Day 14 #100daysofwriting

 

I think it was established quite early on in my life that I love a little drama and attention. I’d never intentionally hurt myself but I’d gladly show off battle scars. I like to go on and on about things.

At 14 I was told that I’d not only need braces, but I’d need headgear too! Oh the horror! Mom promised that I’d get one of those pixie style beanies that were so en vogue in the 90’s. Alas! No headgear, so I didn’t get the beanie. I still hold on to the disappointment.

In my early 20’s I did a free eye test at the gym – the results were grim, I urgently needed to see an optometrist, as I was clearly living in a blurred world. Again, the horror, until I spotted a gorgeous pair of blue frames as I waited for my proper assessment. Did I need glasses after all? No. Again… I’m still holding onto the disappointment of not getting those glasses.

Recently with my jaw issues I’d resolved myself to jaw surgery and weeks of recovery, where sustained on liquidised food I’d get svelte and get lots of presents. No, instead I wear a sexy gum guard to bed. How can I be disappointed? I’m clearly insane!

Today I had a free eye test again, and like before I’m diagnosed with all manner of ocular drama. I really don’t trust those machines, I couldn’t get my chin into the correct spot, so I’ve booked a proper appointment. I’m trying very hard not to dream of tortoise shell nerd glasses…. It’s not like I can afford glasses, I’ve only recently forked out for an overpriced gum guard. The insanity must stop…

 xxx

Mediocre Monday Moan

Time for some philosophical ramblings again… about getting what you think you want and then hating it.

A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a boy who wanted to hold my hand in public. How sweet? How romantic? No. I felt trapped, stifled and panicked. 

I spent months lusting over a certain style of shoes, now I own those shoes and feel like a fraud if I wear them. They don’t feel like me.

Ok I’m not sure what more I have to say… just thinking about how bratty that is. What I really want versus what is expected of me? I should want to settle down and be sweet? But sometimes I just want the attention without the effort of actually being a nice person. I guess a sense of entitlement comes through. What would make me happy? If someone just handed me the keys to a brand new car? Told me that I never had to work again and could write a book for fun? If I woke up with a flat stomach?

I’m in such a mediocre self-obsessed cloud right now.

Yes, I’m probably thinking too much and being too mean. But goodness me… It’s not always easy to be nice.