What am I supposed to do? #100creativedays Day 78

"Things aren't like the movies
My hero got lost
There are no flowers
No free cars
Just debt
And heartache
And wait your turn

I know I should
Just buck up
Shut up
Wake up

Stop dreaming
Stop caring
Stop sharing

Can you believe
How I bleed across
These keys
Across the world

Seriously now
Seriously
When did the magic die?"

Sharon Paine 09.07.14

A very very sad, hurting, crying girl

Sane People Also Talk to Themselves? Right?

I’ve been moody lately… so I have to analyse and ask myself questions that I dread:

Do you need to up your dose?

Please no…. it’s expensive and I’m afraid that I will just keep upping and upping – it will never stop.

Do you need to go back to therapy?

Please no, I do, but it’s expensive… work has a service… but what if they say I’m not ok and send me to the loony bin? No, no.

Are you lacking vitamins on your diet?

Maybe… but, but…. I’m trying! Surely they can’t make that much difference?

Carbs make you happy… are you lacking carbs?

Carbs make me fat!!! NO NO NO

Are you exercising?

Er…. I try. But not really.

Are you happy?

What do you think??? Most of the time, but I’m miserable and lost now.

WHY?

I’m scared and I got all angry and made things worse….

SO WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON?