Grown-up Vibes : Day 63 #100daysofwriting

When I find myself in times of trouble.... poetry from my childhood comes to me.

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:"

 

- Rudyard Kipling 

Life isn't all easy. I make bad decisions. I oversleep, overcommit, overeat but I hardly ever overreact. 

For most people, tantrums stop after childhood, they learn to act rationally. This didn't happen with me, or maybe I just pushed down the urge to freak out more effectively at 3 than at 23. 

Now I'm pushing 33 and I'm glad to report that the whole process of cleaning up my act, working a program and finding God in an authentic way - well I've emotionally matured. I did wonder today if I don't miss all the crying and screaming... I'd be the only one, I think everyone around me is glad that the emotional hurricane has shrunk to an occasional annoying breeze. 

Anyway, just some thoughts on how things have changed in the last two years and new hope for the future. 

L&T : Day 32 #100daysofwriting

I've mulled a lot of world issues around in my head over the last few days and found myself really wanting to publicly respond in some way. I'm also afraid because I can clearly see that certain people close to me might misunderstand. I'm not looking to upset anyone, or attack, but rather remind anyone who reads this of some universal truths.

 

Asked the question: Is there something wrong with the world and what will fix it? I found myself agreeing that there is much wrong with the world. I really do think that love and tolerance are the answer.

 

What would that look like? Well first, promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate. Honestly, people can't go around claiming that another's race, gender, religion, nationality, eating habits and sexuality, are causing them harm.

 

Two adults in love will not hurt another couple in love, if their love is honest, as love needs to be. Cheating and lying are not honest and someone isn't being loved in that equation, so don't even talk about that.

 

Intolerance over someone's choice to fast, shave, meditate, worship, love, draw, sing, write, speak... Where is the love? Where is the tolerance? You need to sort out your own house and figure out why you are so obsessed with your neighbours.

 

Healthy debate is good when both parties are heard. You don't win or lose in a conversation, this isn't a trial. You don't have to agree, you don't need to blame. Just last night I expressed my opinion over something, was heard and my opinion acknowledged, in turn I listened and acknowledged their opinion, I left the conversation with a different perspective.

 

I hate to even ask this, but please don't tell me I'm wrong. I will listen to your perspective, but hold up the principles of love and tolerance against any opinion you have. Love is not lustful, murderous, depraved, and harmful. Yes it can hurt, but it will not harm.

Searching : Day 16 #100daysofwriting

I look for you
In memories
In dreams
In dangerous ally ways of my mind
You haunt
You tease
You descend
Only to leave

I thought tonight
As I drove through
Darkened suburbs
Lazy love songs in my ears
I thought I saw you
A glimpse of you
In the distance
You languished
Lazy in the doorway
Of a 24 hour Pick 'n Pay
I searched the aisles
Grabbing at clues
Pieces of you
Humdrum demands
Still pounding in my head
Buzzing on my phone
I left clutching my clues

Back in the road
You promise to meet me at home
I search for you
But neighbours shout
And you flee
I'm left with my melting clue
My ice cream
And a packet of biscuits

**** I feel the poem ends here but I still want to explain - I'm in need of rest, relief, happiness, peace. I'm exhausted and run down. I'm emotionally low. I feel like I'm searching for my happy. That's what this poem is about. Feeling lost.

What Is Love? #100creativedays Day 65

Love is Arizona's soft fur and the secret scent of warm kitten between her shoulders.

Love is looking at an ultrasound photo from a friend and bursting into tears over the absolute perfect miracle of life.

Love is forgiveness, like a calm after the storm. Teary eyes and desperate hugs after an amends.

Love is not lonely. It's a quiet assurance that someone thinks that you matter, and better yet, knowing that someone matters to you.

Hope Springs

I think I've identified the glaring imbalance in my life... Something I've battled to find contentment in, but tried to because of a weird obligation. Obligation is so tightly wound up with guilt and really just becomes a smothering cage for the creative soul.

More about that IF the steps I take over the next week "work", otherwise I'm praying for an attitude adjustment... Because the lack of joy is poisoning my life, my relationships and my body.

I'm thankful for peace as I lie in bed... Maybe my flowering season is just around the corner? Either way, I'm determined to battle this next dragon, I'm becoming quite a slayer ;)