Just me? : Day 71 #100daysofwriting

Me: Am I just surround by arseholey people this week or is it me?

Bro: No, you're surrounded by arseholes, that's why I'm being nice to you this week

Me: Oh, so you know I have PMS

Bro: No... you had PMS last week

Me: Nope

Bro: So what was wrong with you last week?

Me: *shrug*

My poor brother... I sometime forget that he doesn't see then nicest side of me and the last few weeks have been a strain. I don't remember being horrid last week, I wasn't even at home more or less than this week. But come to think of it, I've been happier in my soul since Monday evening - maybe back to gym was a good idea. Daily readings, more prayer, more writing, work coming together, less distractions... maybe things are very different? I think I might have been depressed last week? Was I?
I wish I had a handy place that reflected my daily state of mind... oh look, I have a blog! Yup, looks like I had some serious midweek blues last week! ;)

Anyway, glad to be feeling better, love my brother's sense of humour (because the above exchange was actually very funny), and so happy to have a long weekend coming up!!

Peace & love xx

Dancing Sober : Day 62 #100daysofwriting

I've never had much of an issue with dancing in public - be it at a wedding, in a club, in my kitchen (ok less public) or the cereal aisle.

I honestly don't care if no one else is dancing, I've never had to be drunk to dance - if I'm not dancing at a party then either I'm pretending to be a wimp like everyone else, or the music is horrible.

I have always rolled my eyes at people who say they need another drink before hitting the dance floor. Now that I'm sober I'm actually a better dancer - maybe it's the improved balance.

Anyway, as I was busting an electric slide in my kitchen this evening to "Uptown Funk", I felt truly happy. Happy to be sober, happy to be dancing, in my own kitchen. Life is very busy and I relish small joys like this.

May you always be able to dance, wherever, whenever, even sober and alone.

Instafun

Kickass : Day 43 #100daysofwriting

So... Last night's mini post was a gorgeous frolic in self pity city.

As can be expected; a good sleep, busy day, gym and actually giving a damn about people other than myself, helped. Oh and I moved my furniture around. 

Today was probably "worse" that yesterday, but felt so much better!

I'm really tapping into the good sporty example of certain people in my life. I gymed just a little longer and harder today. I feel like my healthier eating is helping my body and mind.

I found this medicine called "One Day Flu Cure" - which is basically a cinnamon oil suspension - I took it twice on Saturday, and have just popped a dose every morning since. My cold symptoms are greatly suppressed and I have a certain vigor about me. *chuckle*

I've also tried to be there for the people around me. This feels like bragging but it's what our purpose is... Living in community. We should all be "giving a damn" about the person across the office, the street, the world. I think the key is that you help and care but don't carry their burden on your own back. I basically got that advice first thing this morning and it changed my attitude. Look! I just passed it on to you!

OK, sleep time! Hope my positive vibes help you!

Hey Girl : Day 40 #100daysofwriting

Hey girl
With the sun in her eyes
Leaves in her hair
Laughter in her lungs
Twirling under the arches
Making waves that pulse
With music and song
Fingers trail over stone made warm
Moss clings to cracks
Water steals from hidden springs
Hey girl
With giggles in her cheeks
Wind in her ears
Stolen moments in her heart

My Vibe : Day 39 #100daysofwriting

It is pretty late on a Sunday night to be awake, but I often struggle to fall asleep on a Sunday. This evening I stayed up later on purpose to better prep for the week. I neglected to prepare for this past week and everything felt off kilter. Some are blaming the moon and the proximity of Jupiter - but I do need to admit to dropping the ball last week, and it was havoc.

 

I found this cool quote on Pinterest "your vibe attracts your tribe"

 

I'm mulling it over. Over the last 1 and 3/4 years (yes, 21 months today) I've lost some friends and gained many.

 

Losing friends has been a result of differing views, the changes in my life style and quite possibly my increased honesty. I could be pretty shallow at times, and maybe damage was done long ago - maybe my defects of character were more accepted when they could be dismissed as drunken behaviour. News flash - I'm still capable of bad decisions, now I just care more about the results.

 

Anyway - I've been trying to find a sense of self acceptance by appreciating and noticing the people/places/things that make me glad. I enjoy deep conversations with friends and family. I like feeling useful. I helped at a soup kitchen today and it was fun. I like a quiet Friday night. I have amazing friends. I love being sober. I enjoy being organised. I like cooking healthy food for my family.

 

I think we all often focus on who or what we aren't. I just want to be happy with who I am. I like me. I like that being me seems to attract some pretty amazing people and opportunities.

xxx

My Day : Day 38 #100daysofwriting

Hey

Writing everyday is quite a challenge. I think it the past I just specified "creative" so photos or baking counted as tasks.

I'm happily tired. I've had a good social day and got to have quality conversation with four different friends, separately today. I've had posh hot chocolate at two places, eaten barone cheese cake, extolled the wonders of baby marrow noodles, lusted over leather bags, bought jewellery, shared recipes, received advice, given advise, walked a Chihuahua , hugged many people, cuddled a cat, worn three Amanda Laird Cherry items... Busy day...

Xxx

Treat Yo Self : Day 27 #100daysofwriting

Rain is bucketing down outside, and suddenly remember that someone told me that Wednesday will be cold.

I'm trying to fill my body with vitamins, my mind with positive philosophies and I'm trying to flex my creative muscles. I supposed I'm not trying, I'm doing.

I also realised lately that I was slipping into a lazy slump with girly stuff - like nails, shaving, moisturising, and fussing with hair. Don't get me wrong, my hair is always clean, nails short, no one is seeing my legs in Winter, nor my toes, I'm clean, clothes are usually on point.... But no fanciness around self care.

I'm not a girly girl, although I've gone through some make up, heels and dangly earring phases. So what is going on now? I'm starting to feel like a tomboy... Or am I lazy?

Anyway - since being ill I've upped the pretty - surprise surprise it doesn't take much time to make a little effort and I'm feeling better for it. I suppose its a type of love towards yourself? Caring for yourself?

People told me I looked pretty today... Was it the eyeliner? The scarf? Or maybe because I actually showed myself some love? I think this could be the beginning of a great romance :)

Mediocre Monday Moan

Time for some philosophical ramblings again… about getting what you think you want and then hating it.

A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a boy who wanted to hold my hand in public. How sweet? How romantic? No. I felt trapped, stifled and panicked. 

I spent months lusting over a certain style of shoes, now I own those shoes and feel like a fraud if I wear them. They don’t feel like me.

Ok I’m not sure what more I have to say… just thinking about how bratty that is. What I really want versus what is expected of me? I should want to settle down and be sweet? But sometimes I just want the attention without the effort of actually being a nice person. I guess a sense of entitlement comes through. What would make me happy? If someone just handed me the keys to a brand new car? Told me that I never had to work again and could write a book for fun? If I woke up with a flat stomach?

I’m in such a mediocre self-obsessed cloud right now.

Yes, I’m probably thinking too much and being too mean. But goodness me… It’s not always easy to be nice.

Domestic Bliss #100creativedays Day 89

I'm finding so much joy lately in cooking, baking, sorting and just making our home perfect.

I suppose I get the urge every so often to sort, purge, rearrange and scrub. Maybe its seasonal? Maybe an outward manifestation of how I'm doing the same emotionally and spiritually. Getting my house in order, as it were.

I made a pot of butternut soup that will sort out our lunches for the next two days. Butternut is Dukan friendly, tasty and cheap. I portion out servings into glass jars. I screw the lids on while the soup is still hot for a super tight seal - ensuring freshness and no drips. I know The Squire gets ragged a bit at work, but jars of soup are the way forward... And jealousy is rife in the plastic-lunch-box-boring-sarmie ranks.

I get a feeling of satisfaction from "looking after" The Squire... Yes, I might put women's lib back a few years, but I'm taking good care of myself too.

I also derive weird joy out of folding laundry. Maybe it stems back to it being my main chore when I was little? Sorting was always a good way to keep me busy. Or my retail background and the strange zen of folding shirts with military precision? Who knows? I like folding, The Squire loves ironing... We really have the perfect set up.

I also pottered around on the balcony, checking on my plants, tidying up empty pots, putting aside a pile of pots for charity.

I sorted some of my grocery cupboards too, and the fridge. Everything feels fresh and neat.

Now I can rest comfortably under fresh bedding too... Mmmm... I love it when I've been in housewife mode... Makes me fall quite in love with myself :)

Deep Thoughts... #100creativedays Day 86

There is something mystic about a storm. Just think how destructive water and wind are... The way that nature totally humbles us. If you are reading this it is safe to assume that you, like me, have a warm and dry place to hide on a night like this.

I stumbled across the work of Seth Godin this evening. After reading a few quotes I already feel moved, I can't wait to lay my hands on one of his many books. Seth is an author, marketer, entrepreneur and speaker.

This particular quote shifted something in me:

" Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don't need to escape from." - Seth Godin

Yeah... How about that? Stop crawling towards home time and the weekend... What if you were just happy to be in every moment of your life?

I'm still trying to work it out. Right now I think trust in God and a genuine gratitude for all He does is where I'm going to start. Love people and seek to create beauty. I look forward to a time where I am just content in my life.

Xxx

Snuggle Weather #100creativedays Day 85

After a string of bad nights, I'm totally in the snug sleepy zone.

Is it the slight shift towards warmer temperatures?
The happy consequence of dealing with my monsters?
Better support after flipping my mattress?
Muscles unwound by the superior skills of my physio?

I like feeling happy, loved and content. Maybe letting go does work...

 

Nostalgia #100creativedays Day 83

Clean bedding holds a magic of it's own. As I slipped under my freshly changed linen tonight, something about the smell of the linen and the weight of the covers, transported me. I was suddenly a child again and sleeping over at Granny and Grandpa's house.

The house with the toilet still out in the yard, so we had to use white enamel potties in the middle of the night. I think we drank extra tea before bed just to guarantee that we'd need to wee, just for the novelty.

The bed was high and wide, floors bare wood, a soft focus print of Jesus and His lambs hung above the bed in the middle room. I don't remember as much about the back bedroom, other than the mattress I used to sink right into. I only slept there once we got too big to share a bed. I'm not sure who insisted on sharing in the first place.

The story goes that shortly after The Squire was born, I climbed into Grandpa's car and demanded a holiday from "the baby". Obviously I was very persuasive because a suitcase was packed and I refused to come home for a week. I can understand that, I'd do anything to escape the noise of life and be back there.

There under the sheets printed with little pink roses.

Kinda in love over here... #100creativedays Day 69

My life is pretty damn good.
Am I getting what I want or just being more grateful for what I have?

 

Earlier today the following appeared on my timeline.

 

Yes!! A friend met her and got me her autpgraph! How spoilt am I?

After a total fluff up last night, I still managed to get the opportunity to see Tori Amos live. She is seriously an incredible musician. My heart stopped for a second with the first bars of every song.
"Winter" actually reduced me to tears.... *sigh*

 

 

 

 

 

What Is Love? #100creativedays Day 65

Love is Arizona's soft fur and the secret scent of warm kitten between her shoulders.

Love is looking at an ultrasound photo from a friend and bursting into tears over the absolute perfect miracle of life.

Love is forgiveness, like a calm after the storm. Teary eyes and desperate hugs after an amends.

Love is not lonely. It's a quiet assurance that someone thinks that you matter, and better yet, knowing that someone matters to you.

Because I'm Happy #100creativedays Day 61

"Too tired to write
A whole essay
Against sleep I fight
So it would be messy"

Wow that was awful.

I had a wonderful weekend of connecting with dear friends, making new friends, celebrating the return of a best friend, and really falling in love with my family. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved them, but I appreciate them more and more everyday. They are so dear and precious.

There is so much that I could say, but I feel the exhaustion of a happy kid, and Arizona is expecting bedtime cuddles.

One Lucky Girl #100creativedays Day 10

 

I'm so lucky and blessed. I get to throw the term "best friend" around very liberally :)

I got to go shopping with my best-friend-flat-mate-brother The Squire this morning, what a legend!

I got to cuddle my small-hairy-best-friend Arizona on the couch this afternoon.

And when I thought things couldn't get better, I had dinner cooked by my best-guy-doctor-foodie-fashion-friend - see the photo!!! Seriously! Surf and turf - soooo nom!! And I got to abuse his uncapped internet :) he also comes with a gorgeous boyfriend, so double the treat :)

Now off to bed with my Arizona

Xxx

HAPPY 2014!

Older, Wiser, Weirder ;)

Birthday Checklist

1 year wiser

15kg lighter

35 days sober

 

:)

 

I'm doing ok.

 

It's been quite a year, but I'm definately in a better place emotionally, physically and mentally than I was a year ago. Thanks to everyone who helped me get here, and I thank God for all my wins.