Adequate ; Day 70 #100daysofwriting

I started off my day well, with some recovery and spiritual readings. A line from today's reading in "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young really stuck with me.

"Don't waste energy wondering whether you are adequate for today's journey."

Admittedly I didn't repeat it over and over in my head right through the day, but it did come to mind a few times. I don't think that I am the only person who felt a little bit inadequate today. We are under such pressure, in a world that really likes to bash what it hates without even noticing what is good. Heck, the industry that I'm in can get really hard-core judgy at times. Fortunately, I do seem to roll with the punches better these days. Or are people less critical? Or have a given then less of a gap to try to unravel me? Maybe all of the above. That said, I do doubt myself and criticise myself in some way every single day. I feel I should write it as EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Obviously my levels of confidence ebb and flow.

Can I break off on a tangent to wonder if ebbing is better than flowing? (let's ask Google) Ok, so do I want to be the tide going out or in? Never mind, they move, my moods and confidence levels move.

So, back to the reading. The bigger theme of the reading was trusting God to have your back right through the day. I know that I don't hand over stuff enough to God during the day, so I need to work on my trust. And what is adequate? Surely I've managed to get through my day if I've managed to eat, drink, walk and not destroy anything? Do I even want to be described as adequate? Do I want to rather "rock my day"? Maybe it feeds into the concept of "not good enough", being adequate means that you are good enough, maybe not excellent, but enough to be of value, or worth?

I'm really tired now. Off to sleep, I plan I be more than adequate tomorrow!

Dancing Sober : Day 62 #100daysofwriting

I've never had much of an issue with dancing in public - be it at a wedding, in a club, in my kitchen (ok less public) or the cereal aisle.

I honestly don't care if no one else is dancing, I've never had to be drunk to dance - if I'm not dancing at a party then either I'm pretending to be a wimp like everyone else, or the music is horrible.

I have always rolled my eyes at people who say they need another drink before hitting the dance floor. Now that I'm sober I'm actually a better dancer - maybe it's the improved balance.

Anyway, as I was busting an electric slide in my kitchen this evening to "Uptown Funk", I felt truly happy. Happy to be sober, happy to be dancing, in my own kitchen. Life is very busy and I relish small joys like this.

May you always be able to dance, wherever, whenever, even sober and alone.

Unmade Bed : Day 55 #100daysofwriting

I found this quote by Moriah Pearson a few days ago and it struck a chord. 

I spend too much time wishing I was "normal" - whatever that means. I've been through a few things and I'm a little  messy. I suppose the difference is that I don't pretend to be all neat and tidy, without creases and perfect hospital corners. I honestly prefer an untucked bed myself. If everything is tucked in I kick all the covers loose so I can cocoon in the layers. 

I think I'd rather come across as comfortable and approachable, rather than perfect and fragile. Someone to be wrapped up with, with a couple of creases, a lived in life... Yup, loving the metaphor.

My Vibe : Day 39 #100daysofwriting

It is pretty late on a Sunday night to be awake, but I often struggle to fall asleep on a Sunday. This evening I stayed up later on purpose to better prep for the week. I neglected to prepare for this past week and everything felt off kilter. Some are blaming the moon and the proximity of Jupiter - but I do need to admit to dropping the ball last week, and it was havoc.

 

I found this cool quote on Pinterest "your vibe attracts your tribe"

 

I'm mulling it over. Over the last 1 and 3/4 years (yes, 21 months today) I've lost some friends and gained many.

 

Losing friends has been a result of differing views, the changes in my life style and quite possibly my increased honesty. I could be pretty shallow at times, and maybe damage was done long ago - maybe my defects of character were more accepted when they could be dismissed as drunken behaviour. News flash - I'm still capable of bad decisions, now I just care more about the results.

 

Anyway - I've been trying to find a sense of self acceptance by appreciating and noticing the people/places/things that make me glad. I enjoy deep conversations with friends and family. I like feeling useful. I helped at a soup kitchen today and it was fun. I like a quiet Friday night. I have amazing friends. I love being sober. I enjoy being organised. I like cooking healthy food for my family.

 

I think we all often focus on who or what we aren't. I just want to be happy with who I am. I like me. I like that being me seems to attract some pretty amazing people and opportunities.

xxx

60 days down... just saying

Why is it that as I approach milestones, I seem filled with self doubt?

You're THERE Sharon, you made it, now carry on moving to the next milestone!

60 days sober, still maintaining my weight, close on 5 months of hanging out with a gorgeous man who loves me, a year of living with my wonderful brother - so many blessings!

xxx