I'm not a lump anymore, in 7 weeks I became a skinny bitch. I've lost 10kg, I look normal. I look pretty. And people are noticing.
I went out this past weekend and felt noticed. But my mental image is still Jabba... So I feel vulnerable, I feel mocked.
When I started the diet and was very grumpy and antisocial, a friend said that I'd had my skin ripped off. I had none of my vices to fall back on, carbs were no longer a squishy place to hide. Wine was forbidden. I had to deal with everything, while kinda hungry, in the cold light of reality. Carbs as a crutch was more destructive than my love of wine, but they made a hell of a tag team.
So now I'm stripped of my fat suit and my vices. I'm exposed. People notice me, because I've got my mojo back, because I've changed... And it's so very weird. I feel naked. People gush, and then someone says something rude. Just this week I had a man I've know for a very long time make an unusually lewd comment - I'm all for innuendo and flirting, but this was raw and disgusting. Then someone else told me that I looked fat in the dress I was wearing. Which from this person was about the last barb that I could take (the previous one was shock over how small my boobs have got - they haven't, they just don't extend to under my armpits anymore).
I was so hurt, so this morning I pushed myself in my work out until I felt weak and faint. Stood infront of my mirror thinking horrid things, and then agonizing over my outfit for the day. LIFE IS TOO FEKKIN SHORT.
Got to work, was greeted by one of the most wonderful girls on earth who, without knowing my agony, gushed that I looked gorgeous and that she was amazed at my progress, and on and on... When I told her how I felt she called me a psycho... 'Nuff said...
Time I reset my mental image and discarded negative lies?
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