Carb Coma #100creativedays Day 60

Goodness me... I need to stop my social binge eating... Another night of a bloated and overfull tummy! I start the days so well and by late afternoon, all hell breaks loose.

Mom's birthday tomorrow... Then I need to shun the carbs... But I made Monday pizza plans.... *groan*

Quiche #100creativedays Day 45

I made a quiche and Instagram'ed it... My creative hipster work is done

xxx

OK OK - recipe

I think I either got the milk wrong or used too much butternut. But here goes:

Bacon
Butternut
Onion
Rosemary

All precooked and spread in a baking dish

Then 8 eggs with half a cup of milk - pour over the mix.

Pop in the oven on about 180 celcius until browning - test the middle to check that its cooked through.

Ta daaaa and its Dukan PV day friendly

I've made it a few times. Butternut works well, bacon is a must, don't use chicken its weird in egg.... Green pepper and tomatoes are good too.

"Meh" #100creativedays Day 15

I don't even want to write tonight. I have so much on my mind and feel so flat. I don't really know how I feel. Sad? Hungry? Headachy? Worried? Bored? It's a general "meh".

I went on an internet date today... Oooo... And no, I'm not going to start reporting back on these things. It just mattered today. This was the first time that I've gone on a blind date since I lost all that weight. I'm sober now. Wiser, more mature and not at all desperate. It makes for a weird almost surgical approach. Not good! I want FUN.

I'm also three days down on another "Attack Phases" - pure protein to smash the kilos I piled on during my little holiday. It's certainly working, but I'm blatantly depleted, no carbs or sugar left in my body to be attacked. So I hope I start consuming my own body fat tomorrow! (Gross! But you know what I mean?)

I have money on my mind - some ongoing plumbing bs, my car seems dead-dead, and I have a general sense of entitlement that makes me believe that I'd rather splurge money on fun things.

Anyway, think I'll leave this very "meh" post now. It's been a sub par day, tomorrow is a new one :)

We've come a long way kid...

 

As of this morning I'm 67.8kg - I really love "cracking" a weight - I don't mind hovering and fluctuating 200g, as long as the top number stays the same!

 

4 months ago I weighed between 83 and 84kg. My heaviest ever. Friends told me that I was beautiful and not fat... Love you all, but if I wasn't fat then, what am I now? Air?

 

It's almost painful to look at old photos, I know I need to do a "before and after" but keep putting it off for when I'm 63kg, so you'll wait, yes? Back to the old photos - I have struggled to love who I was 4 months ago, not to be disgusted - how awful is that? I should love that girl with my whole heart because she made the decision to TRY, to CHANGE. And flip... look where we are now? Under 5kg to go!!! I have butterflies in my tummy - I'm 75% of the way to my goal. I've lost 18% of my body weight. I should be proud of myself, right?

 

Here's to the last slog, thanks for the support - and if you're thinking that you're over due for a change, do it. It's not just about the weight, it's about your soul and mind. Food can't be your escape, your drug, your joy, your punishment. If I could do it, with the grace of God, then you can do it too.

 

xoxo

LUTL - Into Day 2 - Not going well

This is horrid. I am so starving.
I miss food.
I want to stuff a whole pizza into my mouth.

On normal Dukan I don't really crave anything or feel hungry, it's a lovely balance. Starving makes me want to binge. I think this is the wonder of a healthy eating plan, you don't get food panic.

I felt very enlightened this morning... I don't now. How do hungry people get anything done? How do children learn? My body feels weak and my mind is cloudy. I know that if I'd spent my R30 on bread and peanut butter I'd probably feel better, but I decided that I couldn't do that to myself, however I keep fantasising about stuffing my face full of cheesy carbs on Thursday? It's so wrong. So very wrong.
I'm ashamed.
I feel out of my mind already....

Very watery veggie soup holds very little appeal... but I'm stealing sips....

More info on the event page https://www.facebook.com/events/341242766008713/

Something Fishy Is Going On....

Wow, it’s been a whole week since I wrote a post? Last Monday I was so emotional and overwrought. I wrote a poem for goodness sake… I don’t write poetry… except weird five liners like:

Claire, Claire
It isn’t fair
You have straight hair
Do you even care
That I look like a bear?

Anyway, after feeling physically weak and horrid on top of being totes emosh… I took a look at my eating habits. Dukan is great, they list all kinds of seafood, which is great for getting your omegas in… except if you barely eat fish… because you can’t have the tartar sauce or crumbs. Omega oils are very important for mood, especially for someone managing depression. Omega oils are great for your skin… I have been BATTLING with eczema. And I don’t get eczema, I’m not that person… however I’ve had to avoid deodorant, try all kinds of remedies… with very little luck. Maybe it’s the oil? Maybe it’s the salt water I’ve been washing with (armpits being the HUGE issue for the last two weeks) – I’m almost healed, in the last two days.

I’m also feeling really strong now; I managed to climb Lion’s Head with relative ease yesterday – although I’ve been hobbling all day. To put it in context of how rarely I hike these days – anyone that asked assumed I was hobbling today because my skinny jeans were too tight! 

I will love and leave you now, promising to write. A very good looking and amazing fan recently said to me: “I’m glad that you posted this week, even if it was all emo” – so here’s to perkier posts in the future!

EAT FISH!

... it's not over yet

 

I've been trying to write for days, I can only think that maybe I haven't tried at all... because clearly I haven't posted anything?

 

I've let myself get into a little funk... maybe PMS? Maybe Winter? Maybe I'm just full of crap? Brother has been on stage 3 of Dukan all of July, so he gets to munch veggies everyday, gets cheat meals, gets to eat fruit... and still lost MORE weight. I think I got jealous, I started to sneak glasses of wine here and there... shrugged and took a slice of cake. Nothing in the way of a full cheat meal, but I've become complacent. It is not good. It does no good for my body or my spirit. I feel guilty. Someone told me yesterday that the righteous do not lose their righteousness in God, but sin slows them down. Although cheating on my diet isn't a sin against God, it is me breaking promises with myself. I fortunately haven't gained any weight, but the loss seems slow. I promise, I'm not going to wallow about it... I've lost 12kg now, but I need the discipline. I need to feel in control. I need to see this journey to the end - if there is an end.

 

Thanks for all the encouragement, please don't stop, I'm only 60% to my goal....

 

Another thought I want to leave you with, or that I want to leave myself with... I'm not sure. But:

 

What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid of success? of happiness? of the life meant for you? what do you lose by trying?

Seriously Sharon?

Seriously?

 

*clearly there's more going on in my head than weight-loss... more about that when I'm ready

 

xxx

Lusty Reunion With An Old Love Tonight

I've done it, I've lost 10kg.... and I am throwing myself at the nearest pizza tonight.

Yes, PIZZA, not pizza guy.... just the hot, oily, carby, cheesy goodness.... I have butterflies in my tummy.... I've missed pizza so much.
I'm not a cold, hard robot.... I neeeeeed it so bad.....I DESERVE pizza.

 

Ok, so maybe it will be more romantic than slutty.... I and six of my girl friends are going out for a lovely pizza and wine dinner in a lovely local pizzeria. I will savour every bite and decline leftovers.

 

Is it normal to be this excited???

Skinny Bitch Rant #1

I guess when I started Dukan, I didn't think it would work... Or this well... Or that I'd be disciplined. I thought I'd be fat at my wedding. That a man would never be able to sweep me up in this arms. That when I got pregnant one day that no one would even notice. I felt like Jabba the Hutt. I felt hopeless. I felt like a lump.

I'm not a lump anymore, in 7 weeks I became a skinny bitch. I've lost 10kg, I look normal. I look pretty. And people are noticing.
I went out this past weekend and felt noticed. But my mental image is still Jabba... So I feel vulnerable, I feel mocked.

When I started the diet and was very grumpy and antisocial, a friend said that I'd had my skin ripped off. I had none of my vices to fall back on, carbs were no longer a squishy place to hide. Wine was forbidden. I had to deal with everything, while kinda hungry, in the cold light of reality. Carbs as a crutch was more destructive than my love of wine, but they made a hell of a tag team.

So now I'm stripped of my fat suit and my vices. I'm exposed. People notice me, because I've got my mojo back, because I've changed... And it's so very weird. I feel naked. People gush, and then someone says something rude. Just this week I had a man I've know for a very long time make an unusually lewd comment - I'm all for innuendo and flirting, but this was raw and disgusting. Then someone else told me that I looked fat in the dress I was wearing. Which from this person was about the last barb that I could take (the previous one was shock over how small my boobs have got - they haven't, they just don't extend to under my armpits anymore).
I was so hurt, so this morning I pushed myself in my work out until I felt weak and faint. Stood infront of my mirror thinking horrid things, and then agonizing over my outfit for the day. LIFE IS TOO FEKKIN SHORT.
Got to work, was greeted by one of the most wonderful girls on earth who, without knowing my agony, gushed that I looked gorgeous and that she was amazed at my progress, and on and on... When I told her how I felt she called me a psycho... 'Nuff said...

Time I reset my mental image and discarded negative lies?

constantly needing.....

.... food (ok, maybe just today)
..........motivation (more and more)
..... love

I've had another sort of grumpy, hungry day... oh wait.... we call that a protein day?

I had a meeting and lunch on the other side of Cape Town, which was lovely, but I feel very tired. I'm now killing time at work until it's time to go to Biblestudy. Is it ok that I just want my bed? Oh, wait, I'm leading Biblestudy.... how did that happen? I've honestly forgotten my notes at home so need to wing it a bit, I do at least have a Bible in my bag ;)

Oh, you want to know what I had for lunch? Steak, and admittedly nibbled on the side salad to look more socially acceptable. I'm sure Dr Dukan would forgive me.
Why am I hungry you ask? Because I didn't have my carefully timed snacks today, I function well with snacks.

My head feels sore and my body aches, I feel so disjointed, like I'm trying to communicate with the world through water.... I'm a mermaid mouthing in a tank and you just scowl, confused, back at me.
I'm exhausted from small talk and too much exercise. Or is that too little exercise? My neck aches. My jaw hurts. Maybe all the tension I seem to be carrying again?

I did have a big wash of love earlier, a sunbeam on a tiring day. I saw an old friend, her 2 year old reached out for me. I held her in my arms as she twirled her fingers in my hair. I felt so happy. How do I keep that feeling all day?

Relax I guess and just keep going?

Winter Weightloss Woes

Day 18 is complete and I must admit that I’ve lost a little bit of momentum over the last few days. Partly because I did too much exercise on Thursday and felt rather lame in the leg area. And then hugely in part because we cheated on Saturday. My weight was been a bit sticky over the last few days. Nevertheless, we did repent of Saturday by having two protein days in a row, so I’m hoping to see the results of that too now that I’ve had a veggie day. And I’ve been guzzling water. I did my “barre” workout tonight and am sure that the scale will report back nicely in the morning. Fingers crossed.

Would it be silly to say that I’m feeling rather bored of being on diet and thinking about my weight all the time? Maybe because it’s cold and the world seems full of rich food and hot chocolate?

I am consoling myself with plans to hunt down Nomu’s Skinny Hot Chocolate – it’s tipping the scales at a half a percentage too much fat for a Dukan “dairy” product… but I figure that being sugar free, it can’t be the naughtiest thing around!

The Big 4

I have officially have shed FOUR KILO's in less than two weeks!!

I haven't really been open about what my start weight was, well it was 83kg... and now I'm 79kg, properly under 80kg :)

Cue the happy dance :) I love Dukan

It just feels wrong…

Dukan has proved to be surprisingly easy. Side thought, Dr Dukan is lucky to have such a catchy surname…. If I invented an eating plan and called it The Paine Diet…. I doubt I’d have the same cult following.

Over the last nine days, Brother and I have looked at each other a few times and wondered if we really are allowed to eat such deliciousness. We are :)

Lean bacon with fat-free smooth cottage cheese…. OMW

Gojiberry FF yoghurt (we’re allowed gojiberries in an any stage!)

Steak… with ham

Ostrich sausage (no cereals added)

As of today I’ve lost 3.5kg and Brother has lost 4kg. It is not the easiest diet to be on, but it’s also very very user friendly.

Day #7

Whoop whoop! Managed a whole week on ATTACK, so hitting the veg tomorrow!
About 3.3kg down now.... feeling good! Planned a quite night in, so expect some great posts over the next week or so ;)

PREGNANT?

Yes, the title is controversial enough to drive people to my blog.
No, I’m not pregnant; I’m just fat – that being the subject of this post.
Yes, people ask me all the time.
Yes, that is very rude.
Yes, but, I do have a big tummy.

  have been on Dukan for 5 days now, and have tried eating plans before. I’ve managed to shift the kilos off over the years, and then pile them back on… usually they bring friends. I am very determined to make this work and have already dropped 3kg to date. I have more energy and the flu symptoms that have bugged me for weeks are gone. (yeah, I barely believe what I’m saying either). This all said, I’ve decided to write this post, and hope that you won’t look at me with pity, but rather laugh along with me. It is a funny, yet very hurtful truth about my life.

FACTS
Most of my fat sits on my stomach
I’ve always had weak stomach muscles
Stress, food and even a full bladder bloat me
I’ve been accused of pregnancy at every weight from 60kg to 80kg…. possibly even at 58kgs where I looked like a lollipop. SERIOUSLY?

I will share some gems with you:

@ THE THEME PARK
The ride operator didn’t want to let me on the ride, insisted that I was pregnant and they couldn’t allow it. It was Ratanga, at Monkey Falls, so I just jumped into the boat with them screaming at me and me screaming back “BUT I’M NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT”

@THE BAR # 1 aka ON A DATE #1
I went to play pool with a guy who I fancied, he’s just taken me out for pizza dinner (cue bloat), but I was wearing a sexy flowy top – designed to hide the tummy and show off the boobs…. And we bumped into a friend of his, who wasted no time to ask if I was pregnant… even though I was on like my 2nd date with this guy AND drinking…. *cringe*

@THE BAR #2
I recently went to the Bay Harbour Market with Gorgeous Guy Bestie…. And we order cocktails; GGB looked so confused as the barman asked “One without alcohol, right?”…. And I melted into the floor…. I was sucking my stomach in hard that I almost fainted while making faces at GGB. Barman took this as his cue to say “Because she is pregnant”…. GGB doesn’t miss a beat and says “Well she isn’t”. I very suspiciously sucked at my Moscow Mule (don’t order one there, they’re not nice) and asked Barman three times if he had put alcohol in it….

@ WORK
Once while being frisked by security.... a few times by suppliers who were either happy for me or concerned that I was going on maternity leave.... once by a nosey new receptionist who asked me repeatedly if I was sure that I'd only been away on holiday, not maternity leave.

ON A DATE #2
The date was finished, but we popped into a store, the chain that I work for in fact…. One of the sales assistants’ asks me “Are you pregnant”…. I’m sucking my tummy and cheeks in as I shake my head, hoping the hottie I’m with hasn’t heard…. THEN she says “You’re not? Can I touch it?” And proceeds to rub my stomach…. Say whaaaaaaaaaat, yes…. Didn’t see the hottie again…. Fortunately because he turned out to be a tad dodge… not because of my hideous deformity…

COUNTLESS TIMES AT P ‘n P
Pick ‘n Pay is a grocery store (I say this because apparently I have a big readership in the Northern Hemisphere). Tellers like to ask…. Sometimes I let someone believe it because they offer me the last trolley…. I didn’t let it go when I was standing in line with my friend’s boyfriend, and a keen lady was rubbing my belly uninvited and grinning up at friend’s bf…. Guys never seem to know what is happening… he’s like “what was happening there?”…. my reply of “she thinks I’m carrying your baby” was not met with much approval… figures.

ON THE TUBE
Ok, so getting a seat while everyone else stands... in a foreign country.... yeah, I'll let that go. My skinny friend figured it out after she'd been ignored and I'd been offered a seat for the second time in the same day.... ;)

This is really just a select few occurrences, most of it blurs into:

A stranger is touching me…. “When are you due?”
“If you’re not pregnant, then why do you look like that?”
Suggestive hand movements indicating a large belly
Denial of alcohol and dangerous behaviour
Blushes
Awkward apologies
Or no apologies at all “well you LOOK pregnant….”

I accept it, it’s just embarrassing… it happens to celebrities every few months.... hopefully by the end of the year this will all be a distant memory…. Until I really do have a baby in my belly…. One not made of food…

Ok, look at that belly!

Eating.... again?

So.... Dukan.... Attack Phase.... I just eat protein... I am a carnivore... when people ask "Chicken breast and...?" My reply is anything from "just that" to "cottage cheese" or "ham"

I feel obsessed with eating, I've had 6 mini meals today.... and that's excluding supper. It's the only way I don't get starving and can actually face protein-protein-protein... with a side of PROTEIN. Don't get me wrong, eggs and ham.... yes, Sam I Am.... I will eat green eggs and ham. They are delicious! It's just my brain that says eating all the time and not eating veggies is JUST WRONG... but, good golly... I've got rid of 3kgs! In 5 days....

 

I am becoming a Hobbit.... (if you don't know, they eat OFTEN)

 

Guilt Is Ridiculous

I love writing, but I haven't been writing.
I love reading, but I haven't been reading.

I'm so tired and grumpy this morning.
The sermon from Sunday on "Working" echoes through my head... God doesn't like lazy people.... am I lazy? I can't focus on work.

Is this because I've been consuming protein since Saturday? FOUR DAYS already. Brother and I both dropped 2.5kg in the first two days. Now we sit.... unmoving.... is that why I feel like this?
I got up early and did yoga.... hanging upside down in Downward Dog until I almost fainted.

I've got my playlist ready, To-Do List handy... I'm getting my feelings out now..... cup of tea in hand.... "God make me focus" is my whispered prayer.

Here's the video I tried to do this morning.... I didn't finish it, but I can feel that I worked my legs.... small steps hey?

We Can Dukan!

I've googled every possible thing to convince myself that Dukan is ok for me, maybe I've been looking for an excuse?

But it seems:
- I can stick to plan while I recover from having my wisdom teeth out (in a few weeks time)
- Low carb is often advised for depression
- Low carb is good for IBS
- IT WORKS

I found this blog: http://southafricandukan.wordpress.com/
While it only has a few things on it, I like the motivational posters and SA retailer specific products.

Brother and I planned a few meals already, and cleared the fridge of "offending" products... fortunately we didn't have much in the way of "illegal" foods - about 100ml of fruity yoghurt, half a carton of fruit juice, left over low fat custard, and seeing as neither of us had managed to have dinner last night, it didn't seem criminal to have "fairly" healthy snacks (yes, yes the sugar.... but it's not PIZZA).

We will start tomorrow with eggs and yoghurt for breakfast. I'm planning grilled chicken breasts stuffed with cottage cheese and ham for lunch (yeah.... does sound AMAZING). I'm going to attempt to make galettes for dinner, maybe with cottage cheese and tuna.

Recipe for galette HERE. It's an oat bran based pancake. We need to consume 1.5 tablespoons of oat bran per day... so seems a great way to consume it!

Feeling pretty positive and pumped now. And yes, I will have pizza and wine tonight.... last supper, as it were....

Then, to focus on my new mantra:

PS: I did yoga last night, I am amazing

Sasko Sam... you best hide yourself....

Dear Devoted Reader

I seem to have been boldly throwing around the word “Dukan”… and now I’m screwed. Totally  screwed…. Don’t sign up for stuff before you have read the fine print with a telescope… I nodded sagely through “no carbs”, “no alcohol”…. And just lost my $h1t over the idea of “NO FRUIT”…. Say whaaaaaaaaat? What about an apple a day? 5-a-day? Ok, I can eat veggies…. Eventually…. But fruit? We’re looking at 3 months sans fruit and only if I can lose at least 15kg in 3 months.

 (I don’t know how long that apple has been sitting on my desk.... but I just inhaled it)

Brother is doing it with me…. And seems very excited about phase 1… which is where we eat ONLY PROTEIN for 5 days…. I was a vegetarian for 5 years…. Meat-only seems positively criminal. But, what’s that? I could lose 5kgs straight off? *mouth forms into a little O shape*

 People say don’t focus on what you can’t have, look…. You can have low fat bacon

 

*sniffs the air* “BACON?”

 And quark…. “What’s QUARK” …. No-one knows, it must be foreign…. *googles*

 “Oh, it’s a soft cheese… we like cheese….”

We have said we will start on Saturday… so I need to go eat a kilo of apples and the Sasko Sam mascot…..

xxx

PS: I know fad diets are totes un-PC, but this one works and it's only a few months of craziness....