Showing posts with label breaking free. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breaking free. Show all posts

Saturday, 29 August 2015

99 Problems... but : Day 93 #100daysofwriting

It's been just over three weeks since I declared myself celibate for three months. It's a state of mind more that physical restraint because I've certainly gone longer than three months without a smooch in the past. I've sworn off online dating  (the idea is forever), flirting, crushing and chasing.

How this looks is : I deleted all phone numbers of random boys, deleted all dating apps, don't allow myself to check out guys (just look away) and am guarding against any pursuit of male company (other than already friend zoned boys). I'm pursuing female friendships and trying to be supportive of others. If someone asked me on a date I'd say no, arrange a group hang out or take them to church. It's actually very freeing to just check out of the scene for a while.

As I look around and see friends still engaged in the pursuit, or friends dealing with broken hearts... It's great to feel so detached from the merry-go-round.

Monday, 20 July 2015

Shed : Day 54 #100daysofwriting

I gave up
On you
On us
Today
Shed my role
As fool
As lover
Hollow warnings
Ring cold
You said
" You love more"
But look
How easily I turn
Love into surgery
I snip away
Sever
Remove
Throw away
Look how easily
I throw my hands
Into the air
And shed you
Like a skin outgrown
I boil
I steam
I puff away

Monday, 16 June 2014

Inhale #100creativedays Day 55

"Floating
Twisting
Silently
Asleep
A dark cloud
On the outskirts
Back arches
Colour explodes
Rainbows cut
Spiraling
Screaming
Clenching
Convulsing
Breathe out dark
Inhale the bright
Puffing
Gasping
Living
Breathing"

Sharon Paine 16.06.14

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Back in the saddle... so to speak

I’m sorry if I upset you over the last few days, I’m ok, the clouds are clearing and I’m feeling more positive. I just had to be reminded of some truths and had to make some changes.

I’ve sought the counsel of some wise women in my life, turned to the Bible and commentaries – Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free” and Tim Keller’s “The Freedom of Self-forgetfulness”. Things make more sense in my head. I ran and ran until the good chemicals flooded my brain (5km!) and I decided to stop beating myself up. I feel bad about taking my frustrations and pain out on other people, but I can’t keep flagellating to win their trust and forgiveness… it holds me back. I am not my mistakes, I am not my sins, I am human and I am broken.
As way of report back, I’ve lost just over 14kg to date, and instead of Sober October, I’m having a Sober September. The timing is right given my push to lose the last 6kg and also given my state of mind of late. Alcohol numbs, but it can also magnify the negative thoughts. I need to use other things to help me, good positive things.

I am very honest in this blog, and I hope you will respect me for that. I write so I can get it out, so people will know where I’m at, and also, maybe, someone out there feels the way I do sometimes and my honesty will help them feel less alone.

I don't always feel sad, I'm very self-aware and constantly trying to fight the negative thoughts. Don't worry about me, just love me and trust that I will be ok. Thanks for the love and support.
Here’s to the future – happiness & health