Back in the saddle... so to speak

I’m sorry if I upset you over the last few days, I’m ok, the clouds are clearing and I’m feeling more positive. I just had to be reminded of some truths and had to make some changes.

I’ve sought the counsel of some wise women in my life, turned to the Bible and commentaries – Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free” and Tim Keller’s “The Freedom of Self-forgetfulness”. Things make more sense in my head. I ran and ran until the good chemicals flooded my brain (5km!) and I decided to stop beating myself up. I feel bad about taking my frustrations and pain out on other people, but I can’t keep flagellating to win their trust and forgiveness… it holds me back. I am not my mistakes, I am not my sins, I am human and I am broken.

As way of report back, I’ve lost just over 14kg to date, and instead of Sober October, I’m having a Sober September. The timing is right given my push to lose the last 6kg and also given my state of mind of late. Alcohol numbs, but it can also magnify the negative thoughts. I need to use other things to help me, good positive things.

I am very honest in this blog, and I hope you will respect me for that. I write so I can get it out, so people will know where I’m at, and also, maybe, someone out there feels the way I do sometimes and my honesty will help them feel less alone.

I don't always feel sad, I'm very self-aware and constantly trying to fight the negative thoughts. Don't worry about me, just love me and trust that I will be ok. Thanks for the love and support.

Here’s to the future – happiness & health