Of Monsters... And Of Men

I am awake insanely early; I feel so hungover… but honestly did not drink that much… you’d think that my body would be able to handle alcohol better after having a month off? Clearly not…

I wanted to delete last night’s post or heavily edit it, but I think I’m overreacting. It could be that it just needs a follow up post. I tend to be too hard on myself. I try very hard to be “good” and to do what I should, but in my mind I’m failing. Even now, as I type I’m thinking “golly Sharon, no one wants to read this crap, make it funny” but it’s not funny, why do I need to be funny? Why do I need to edit myself? Who is going to get hurt by reading that I have a dirty wit and can no longer handle alcohol? If I scare people away by being honest, did they even really like me to begin with? I also tend to exaggerate a lot of things.

So, it’s 1 November, a week till my birthday, the end of no wheat and alcohol, and free of excuses. I usually count down to my birthday, very publically; I’ve done less of that this year. Obviously I’ve acknowledged it, but I’ve actually had comments from people about me not doing my annual count down from mid-September….

I feel like being sober again, I feel gross… my head hurts. I suppose it’s a balance thing? I know it is. I’m going to keep reasonably wheat-free this month too, I like the flatter stomach. And “No Excuse November”? Given that I am awake, should I be getting an early start and walking to work? No, headache says no…. but maybe I can actually be early for work and go for a walk at lunchtime (note, I’m committed now). I better plan a cute “walking during work” outfit – something wind appropriate.

Back to last night’s Monster Mask rant – I’m not fake, per say, I think I just judge myself harshly. I get tipsy, I flirt too much, I say things to shock people, I like that 2nd piece of cake, I buy lots of clothes, I don’t like washing up. But I think I’m getting a lot of things right – I can go a month without drinking, I can be single, I also say very nice things to people, I like to help people, I can be generous with my time and money, I do like ironing ;)

And now I feel I should say something profound, but instead I’m going to post this ramble and have a 30 minute nap.