Where To Begin?

So? Where to begin?

 

I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. I’m on day 13 of 20mg of Citraz – it can take up to 6 weeks… 42 days… to level out after an increase in dosage. I had to admit defeat; I had to admit that I wasn’t coping on 15mg anymore. I think I’ve come to terms with it. I’m not a failure for needing more chemical help; I’m a winner to be managing my depression.

 

I have been sober for 18 days. And I’m serious this time around. I didn’t manage to have a whole sober September. I “cheated” for a fancy dinner on the 18^th of September and then just carried on cheating. I don’t remember if I drank every day, probably not. I definitely had too much to drink at the fancy dinner, and then on a few occasions after that. I pulled a real horrid move and passed out at Rocking The Daisies (a music festival)… I managed to vomit on my gorgeous new boyfriend. By some miracle, he is still my boyfriend. I promised him that I wouldn’t drink for the rest of 2013. I told my psychiatrist that I’d stop for 6 months and then reassess. Then I went to a support meeting and had to admit that I was out of control. It would be an insult to myself and the whole program to call this a temporary fix. I have to do this.

 

Nobody wants to tell me I have a problem to my face. But then again nobody wanted to call me fat 5 months ago either… I am not in control; I’ve been numbing my depression and all the insecurities that come with it, with alcohol. Self-medicating they call it.

 

So I’ve had enough of that life – I’ve been sober for 18 days. I have support and I’m making changes. It’s not a very comfortable place to be in emotionally, along with adapting to a new dosage and my famous PMS.

 

My weight has stabilised at 68kg – making it a solid 15kg lost. When my body feels stronger (I’ve felt rather run down and fluey lately) I will resume my exercise regime.  I’ve been eating carbs and little treats every so often, but primarily still following Dukan.

 

As will many of my posts, I may have been too honest, too open. I ask for your support and respect.

:)

Of Monsters... And Of Men

I am awake insanely early; I feel so hungover… but honestly did not drink that much… you’d think that my body would be able to handle alcohol better after having a month off? Clearly not…

I wanted to delete last night’s post or heavily edit it, but I think I’m overreacting. It could be that it just needs a follow up post. I tend to be too hard on myself. I try very hard to be “good” and to do what I should, but in my mind I’m failing. Even now, as I type I’m thinking “golly Sharon, no one wants to read this crap, make it funny” but it’s not funny, why do I need to be funny? Why do I need to edit myself? Who is going to get hurt by reading that I have a dirty wit and can no longer handle alcohol? If I scare people away by being honest, did they even really like me to begin with? I also tend to exaggerate a lot of things.

So, it’s 1 November, a week till my birthday, the end of no wheat and alcohol, and free of excuses. I usually count down to my birthday, very publically; I’ve done less of that this year. Obviously I’ve acknowledged it, but I’ve actually had comments from people about me not doing my annual count down from mid-September….

I feel like being sober again, I feel gross… my head hurts. I suppose it’s a balance thing? I know it is. I’m going to keep reasonably wheat-free this month too, I like the flatter stomach. And “No Excuse November”? Given that I am awake, should I be getting an early start and walking to work? No, headache says no…. but maybe I can actually be early for work and go for a walk at lunchtime (note, I’m committed now). I better plan a cute “walking during work” outfit – something wind appropriate.

Back to last night’s Monster Mask rant – I’m not fake, per say, I think I just judge myself harshly. I get tipsy, I flirt too much, I say things to shock people, I like that 2nd piece of cake, I buy lots of clothes, I don’t like washing up. But I think I’m getting a lot of things right – I can go a month without drinking, I can be single, I also say very nice things to people, I like to help people, I can be generous with my time and money, I do like ironing ;)

And now I feel I should say something profound, but instead I’m going to post this ramble and have a 30 minute nap.

New Name, New Look, New Focus

I have grossly neglected my blog and my challenges, probably because I feel too busy, but perhaps because I wanted to do more than just focus on the challenges... so I present to you "Seriously Sharon?" - which not only covers my mad challenges... but also any stories from my unbalanced existence.

It is almost October again, which brings up the question "To Sober October, or not?" Obviously if I opt out, I look like a total alcoholic. So, I will indeed be doing Sober October again, and adding all of January's resolution goodness in there too... so NO WHEAT EITHER. Indeed.... *rubs invisible beard*

My brother will be Wheat & Alcohol Abhorrent for October too - how sweet. I'm hoping for a repeat of the drastic weight loss from January... my birthday is looming... It's a big birthday... I'd like to be less big... More about that later *shudders*

That covers the upcoming challenge... so how about a story now?

Sharon Runs Out of Petrol (in the rain) (200m from garage) (in traffic)
Need I say more?
Just as I'm thinking,"I will go get petrol, but not at Shell, I don't like Shell", I break down, on an uphill, just after the bridge in Gardens, it is pouring with rain, people are desperate to get home. I vainly attempt to single handily push my car up the incline (yes, it obviously is impossible).

The Strawberry Man comes to my rescue... whilst the Uno is super light on a flat road, it is horrid and lump-like on a incline... the car rolls back 2m... just then, could it be? The ambling frames of two young gentlemen? The three chaps easily push my car out of the way and into a parking. The young gentlemen high-five and all I can sarcastically think is "wow, you are SO strong.... you pushed an Uno". They do ask if I will be ok and then amble off.

Strawberry man seizes his moment to make a sale and cons me into buying his last punnet of over-priced strawberries "It's my last one, then I can go home..." He did offer to go buy my petrol but I was a little bit over him and was sure he'd expect a tip. I am so used to running out of petrol, that I carry a convenient bottle in the boot. So I stomp off towards Shell with my pink 5l bbq sauce bottle, the rain seeping into my very summer inspired outfit and pumps.

After buying my petrol, I could not resist Narona and squelched through the doors, looking like a wet dog. I order a pizza for take away, wiggling my bottle at the cashier and saying "I've got to go sort something out, I will be back"

Armed with a filthy Vida take away cup that I rescued from the gutter and my pink bottle, I squelch back to my car. Just then, Strawberry Man yells across the intersection to ask if I need help. Strawberry Man magically has 4 new punnets of strawberries - I respond by forlornly screeching "you lied to me!!!!!" across the traffic.

Back at the car I fashioned a funnel out of the cup (what a pro!), get most of the petrol into the car, pump the accelerator with all my strength until the Uno roared back to life and speed off. Yes, to get more petrol and my pizza.

The End

xxx

More Alcohol = More Exercise?

Interesting article from Cosmo, not sure it's true for me... I feel more motivated to exercise now that I'm not drinking...

"A study conducted in the US has discovered that drinkers exercise more than non-drinkers. A team of researchers, lead by Dr Michael T French, a professor of health economics at the University of Miami, have found that alcohol is a motivator for exercise."

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za/bodysoul/BodyHealth/more-alcohol--more-exercise

Beautiful and potent!

Every wondered what your favourite drink would look like under a powerful microscope? Some awesome people at a company called Bevshots have checked it out for you! Video below and a link to some stills, my favourite, Gin, below!


http://twistedsifter.com/2010/06/alcoholic-art-liquor-under-a-microscope/