Party Day!!!

 

Party is going to be HUGE.... :) so much of the adoring fans

This is the life...

Icecream in hand as I reflect on what a fantastic year it has been... travel, spoiling, property buying and personal growth....

I was so spoilt yesterday, we get to go home early today... the sun is shining.... *sigh*

"She's flirty, turned thirty. Ain't that the age a girl gets really dirty?"

This is me embracing 30.... loved this Scouting For Girls song for ages, and secretly was waiting till I could be "dirty thirty"... however, I did forget about this song until I heard it yesterday morning while walking - viva ancient iPod :)

 

 Let's get this frikken birthday started!!! Whoop whoop!

AAAAARGH WIND

My walk this morning was... horrid... the wind was crazy and I wobbled badly up the hill.... and then wobbled down again. I suppose the point is, I did the distance, speed was lacking but my cute little butt was out of bed and wobbling around Vredehoek before 7am.

Decided to walk this morning because I have too many errands to run straight after work. I'm proud of myself, just wonder if I can manage it again tomorrow - busy busy day tomorrow....

I must say, this walking thing is working better than trying to push my body to run. I can feel some muscle pain, but I'm not too sore to exercise the next day. I feels better that it's something I've managed to sustain for a week.... early days though.

Faux Ginger Woes

When one decides to go RED, one should think of the fashion implications.... last weekend I went shopping and headed to the fitting room with a gorgeous coral coloured dress.... totally forgetting that I am now a redhead.... Coral and redheads don't mix too well... I had a real "bitch please" moment when I saw myself in the mirror with a coral dress in hand. Truth be told it wasn't horrendous on, but not ideal....

I did bravely wear a red top to work the other day and manged to pull it off... Obviously, because I'm me :P

I suppose I just need to get used to the change, I've had enough compliments to know that I wasn't a mistake.

Blog Life

 

I've had close on 4000 views since I started my blog.... which seems pretty cool. I do wonder who actually reads it, viewership has increased lately... moved more towards South Africa... and away from Russia - In the beginning I had a large Russian audience... which makes no sense.

Thanks for the support

xxx

Birthday Lust List....

You know when people ask you what you want for your birthday, and you squeak "you don't have to get me a present...." - yeah, I don't know how that feel either!

I've commissioned a necklace from a great designer and new friend - which I probably will only receive after my birthday. I asked her to incorporate quite a few elements, so it's not a simple piece, and it is going to pretty darn special - so I've pretty much let people know that I would welcome contributions... ok so all that doesn't stop me ogling stuff online and in store.

I want this tray, I will have it...

I want a really nice beach towel... not sure which one though, saw a very expensive cotton one at Edgars the other day.... this is something I've bought for a few people as a present before, yet, I am still using the free towel that my Mom got from her days in Tupperware in the late 80s....

 A decent teapot is also something I've wanted for a while, but I can be quite a difficult thing to buy for someone else... and it seriously cannot be dribbley... I have a lovely teapot that I handpainted in an Alice In Wonderland theme... but it dribbles like crazy....

A selection of wild coloured acrylic paints wouldn't go unused...

 Lately with all my walking I've been wanting a pedometer... now see they that they aren't that expensive!

and of course:
wine
books
onion marmalade
canvasses
posh teas
plants (but maybe once I've moved)
....a new car

love and kisses

Rich Kid Blues....

Day 5 of November, I've managed to walk everyday, no excuses. 30 minutes with up-hill on the weekdays, and hour long walks both Saturday and Sunday. I feel proud of myself and was actually getting edgy for my walk towards the end of today. I did the same route today as I'd done on Friday and it was less challenging, which must be a good sign.

Other than that, I thought I was uninspired to write any posts, but now that I have music playing, I feel more inspired. I've noticed a lot of apathy in the last few days - I call them my "Rich Kid Blues" - where so much is GOOD in my life, yet I feel bored. I feel like a spoilt, shallow brat. I've bought property, it's days from my birthday, I have a ridiculous number of people coming to my birthday dinner, I have awesome red hair, I'm having a stunning necklace made for me, I want for nothing... yet I'm so utterly bored?

Maybe I think I'm lonely? But then I ask myself where I'd find the time for a relationship and literally, I feel a gap... like men with any potential are not in my orbit.... like I'm being forced to wait.... because I'm still me... I still look like me, but I have less happening... ok, if you asked some of my single friends, I get attention... but yeah.... maybe I'm not interested in less than amazing? That aside.... funny story of my RKB:

I was desperate for a chocolate today, late afternoon... but I only had R100 note. I managed to get it down to two R50, and headed off to the vending machine. It refused to take my R50, so I loudly exclaim "I have too much money!".... wow Sharona.... First World Problems much? It's actually mortifying what a brat I am lately....

Oh, with regards to "No Excuses" I did manage to do some household chores I'd been procrastinating over the last few days, so YIPPY, I'm superlady :)

3 Sleeps!!!

 

6 sleeps!

I'm On Fire!

Had a good start to No Excuses November - I kicked my own butt into going for a 30 minute walk after work yesterday. It gave me energy and cleared my head. I definitely need to repeat this today :)

Also in exciting news... I'm a red head! Whoop whoop! needed a change! I've been blond for a year :) I am very happy with how it came out.

/

:)

Of Monsters... And Of Men

I am awake insanely early; I feel so hungover… but honestly did not drink that much… you’d think that my body would be able to handle alcohol better after having a month off? Clearly not…

I wanted to delete last night’s post or heavily edit it, but I think I’m overreacting. It could be that it just needs a follow up post. I tend to be too hard on myself. I try very hard to be “good” and to do what I should, but in my mind I’m failing. Even now, as I type I’m thinking “golly Sharon, no one wants to read this crap, make it funny” but it’s not funny, why do I need to be funny? Why do I need to edit myself? Who is going to get hurt by reading that I have a dirty wit and can no longer handle alcohol? If I scare people away by being honest, did they even really like me to begin with? I also tend to exaggerate a lot of things.

So, it’s 1 November, a week till my birthday, the end of no wheat and alcohol, and free of excuses. I usually count down to my birthday, very publically; I’ve done less of that this year. Obviously I’ve acknowledged it, but I’ve actually had comments from people about me not doing my annual count down from mid-September….

I feel like being sober again, I feel gross… my head hurts. I suppose it’s a balance thing? I know it is. I’m going to keep reasonably wheat-free this month too, I like the flatter stomach. And “No Excuse November”? Given that I am awake, should I be getting an early start and walking to work? No, headache says no…. but maybe I can actually be early for work and go for a walk at lunchtime (note, I’m committed now). I better plan a cute “walking during work” outfit – something wind appropriate.

Back to last night’s Monster Mask rant – I’m not fake, per say, I think I just judge myself harshly. I get tipsy, I flirt too much, I say things to shock people, I like that 2nd piece of cake, I buy lots of clothes, I don’t like washing up. But I think I’m getting a lot of things right – I can go a month without drinking, I can be single, I also say very nice things to people, I like to help people, I can be generous with my time and money, I do like ironing ;)

And now I feel I should say something profound, but instead I’m going to post this ramble and have a 30 minute nap.

Everyone Feels Like A Monster... Sometimes

So, it was Halloween... it is Halloween, whatever... it's very late on Wednesday night....

I started the day listening to this song... for fun... but it struck a weird chord...

 

What is a "Monster Mask"? I've always had the quote from "The Mask" floating around my head (by always I mean since 1995 or so) - "We all wear masks.... metaphorically speaking..."

Do you ever feel fake? I do... I live in the world, have a wit that leans towards the lecherous.... but I'm also a good Christian girl.... I love boys, I love clothes and above all, I love Jesus... I seem confusing.... most of the time I have my priorities straight... but seriously, I'm practically 30.... boys are supposed to be a focus....

Mmmm.... I must say, Sober October is overs... I decided at dinner that the 31st was good enough... had wine....  then went out for drinks.... I feel uber tipsy.... which might not be the worse thing, as I've not felt like writing in the last few days. Viva La Vino....

How do we find balance? If I say that I want a boyfriend, I get told "you will meet the right guy one day... don't focus on it".... as if I'm desperate.... but then if I say I'm happy and not in the place for anything serious, then I'm asked why I am writing off men? How do I find the balance??? How am I good, yet normal? Normal me says naughty things... because she is sharp....
Do nice Christian boys like girls with good intentions and dirty minds? I really hope so....

anyway... if you made it this far on my blabbing blog post... try my latest obsession, a word scramble.... tell me how many words you get, 3 or more letters while including the middle letter, aim for the (very obvious) 9 letter word....

W L H E A E N O L

No Excuses November

I need to exercise... so November's challenge will need to be heavily focussed on exercise... at this rate the zombies will catch me before I've even noticed them!

I've got a few days to come up with a plan.... any ideas Dear Reader?

Bah... humbug...

Just for a chuckle ;)

During the course of Friday I was again refered to as Brother's wife... and nudged during a Baby Shower to be asked when I was going to have a baby.... wow, and then when I say that finding a husband and settling down is not a priority right now, they shake they heads and sympathetically tell me I will find someone, or that when I meet the right person... like sheeeeeeeesh, I've just bought a flat and thus proved that I do not need to get married to carry on with my life. I suppose it's normal that people just want to keep laying on the pressure for the next step... for now I'm very happy to just be "New Property Owner"

Fortunately, according to Wikipedia, I am not a spinster, as I am not moments away from menopause, nor do I spin yarn...

The Happy Couple

Brother and I received a letter from the lawyers, and they referred to us in about 4 points as “Mr and Mrs”. I was horrified, turns out so was Brother. Is it horror at the idea of being seen to be a couple? I’ve always balked when referred to as Mrs – is it simply because I’m not married? I always correct the telesales consultant, and in this case, paralegal.

Part of me felt like by calling me Mrs, they were making me Brother’s dependant, while we are equal… or quite frankly, I’m actually above him. Call it the pecking order, but I think we are both aware of my status as oldest. On the offer to purchase, my name came first but the lawyers put Brother’s name first on their paperwork. Brother even commented on this, saying maybe it was alphabetical.

We are in this 50/50, Brother might be more liquid than I am, but I have 95% of the furniture etc. I’ve seen glimmers of power play from Brother already and I do wonder what the dynamic will be when we live together. I’m sure I will try and look after him, and I don’t mind. But will I become his faux-wife? That seems very weird.

Brother did say I could have the bigger room, but to the same token I told him to take the garage. Maybe it’s about compromising because we understand each other’s needs? When I spoke about skimming the walls of the flat, Brother did seem to think that I expected him to pay for the walls in his room, while I see us as owning every room together. I do worry that my décor will cover the flat and I’m already trying to work out how to make it “ours”. I suppose it will all settle with time.

All in all, I will always be the big sister, but I think this is a whole new chapter.

1 week left of the challenge...

1. 25 days done, and I've managed to keep the 2kg off, so it's for real, not just water weight. 
2. I really like the taste of rye and corn cracker bread
3. Brother has stayed wheat free too, so here's to a low-wheat household going forward!
4. Tummy looks flatter, I wish I could say it was happier, but this month has been a bit stressful...

Adult Bookstore...

Wicked Wheat

It’s been over 3 weeks of “Wheat-Free October” and admittedly, I did cheat once, on Saturday. We were painting murals all day, I was starving, and I couldn’t just eat viennas, so I ate 2 hot dogs. I was very tempted to just cheat fully with a glass of wine, but was told that wheat was forgivable, while wine is very much not… This month has been pretty hectic with flat buying and what-not… I’ve been dying for a glass of wine… so let’s not discuss wine!

Sans-wheat, I have managed to drop 2kg without actually doing any exercise, so I’ve done some reading.

According to Dr Mark Hyman on the Huffpost Healthy Living Blog, there are 3 ways that wheat makes you fat:

1. It contains a Super Starch -- amylopectin A that is super fattening.
2. It contains a form of Super Gluten that is super-inflammatory.
3. It contains forms of a Super Drug that is super-addictive and makes you crave and eat more.

Apparently it does not only contribute to weight gain, but depression too? Strange because I crave pasta, pizza etc when I’m most down. Think I might have only vaguely touched on it before, but I am depressed – medicated, but it still something that defines me. My emotions effect my stomach, wheat effects my stomach… could I just have been engaged in a crazy vicious circle of abuse to my stomach? It’s definitely something to consider…

I am really determined not to slip into bad habits again, this wheat thing needs to be controlled. I’m considering these two books:

Bread Is The Devil

Wheat Belly

Careful what you wish for...

I wonder how it feels when a couple has been trying for a baby, and then suddenly, the stick turns blue and everything is changed forever. I literally feel like I’ve pee’d on the stick and now a little blue house is staring back at me. This is what we wanted, why am I so terrified now? We got our bond, a 100% bond… we prayed and God gave us what we asked for… we caught the magical unicorn, the rare 100% bond in a time when no one believed we’d get one. This is what we asked for…

I’ve calmed down significantly, but a few hours ago I was almost hysterical… I think I phoned Brother about 5 times, each time I’m sure we was getting more and more upset with me. He used that calm authoritative voice that he clearly learnt from Dad, or maybe it’s a class they give teachers… it doesn’t calm… it made me feel 5 years old…. Now I can see that he is just as freaked out as I am. This is huge… this is real now.

I feel ok now, why was I freaking out? Is it the loss of freedom? I’ve lived alone for 4 years. I suddenly need to be more responsible, more considerate, less messy. These are good things.

Is it the money? The bond repayments will be less than my current rent. But there will be extra, curtains, some paint, I really want to change some things… but it will be ok.

Maybe it's just because it happened so fast? This is good, we aimed for February and we will probably only move it then...

It will be ok. We will be ok.
This is what we wanted.

Nostalgia

Words are beautiful, think of your favourite snippet of poetry, a lyric, something that some said to you off hand, something that stuck with you, something so powerful that just hearing those words can twist you round and send you straight back to another place and time.

But why stop at words? A melody, a smell, a painting, a sunrise, an face from the past…

Sometimes one thing can trigger off such an overwhelming ripple effect of memories that your breath is quite taken away. This might sound so insane, but I have to write it. I feel so overwhelmed by nostalgia, pricks of forgotten pain.

The trigger for me tonight was watching a movie called “Remember Me”, something that I’ve had on my hard-drive for the longest time and avoided, probably because it stars Robert Pattinson. But I gave it a chance, and it crawl up and around my heart, flaking off strange nostalgia for poems I’ve forgotten. Somewhere in my teens I got hold of a collection of poems by Rod McKuen, I don’t think many of my friends would even know who he is, but he wrote the lyrics of the song “Seasons in the Sun”. I must have picked up the book at a 2nd hand book stall, maybe urged by my mom. However I came about owning it, it moved me. Lines that haunt me still, glimmers of adult themes, who knows, I flicked through the book now and poems I’d forgotten about were so familiar, like seeing an old friend.

If I thought
that I was dying,
and I am
            of inattention,
                         indifference
                         and the need
to prove just once
                 I’ve lived –
for someone
              other than myself,
what would/should
my reaction be?
Especially if I knew
that finally and forever
there would be no one.

An excerpt from “The Pause, Before the Going” – Rod McKuen

Reading these words, the words that have haunted me for probably 15 years, brought back a few lines of a poem by D.H Lawrence. I remember my surprise at finding a poem like this in my poetry setwork book, it seemed a strange concept to me.

I am worn out
with the effort of trying to love people
and not succeeding

Now I’ve made up my mind
I love nobody, I am going to love nobody,
I’m not going to tell any lies about it
and it’s final.

An excerpt from “The effort of love” – D.H Lawrence

I could go on and on with haunting lines, but will end for good measure with the painting that made an 8 year old me fall in love with Dali... I was a very cultured child.

Metamorphosis of Narcissus - Salvador Dalí (1937)

20 days left of my 20's

And if we really need to grow-up.... here are the rules: The Do's and Don'ts Of Becoming A Grown-Up

Sweet Escape...

Amongst all that seems to be going on, all good yet consuming, a girl needs an escape. I managed to get my hands on the “missing” episode of Downton Abbey – you know the situation, you have a whole series but there is one episode missing in the middle? You can piece everything together, but there are still big gaps in the story arch.

What bliss, I was even inspired to abolish my mountain of ironing (yes, take notes Brother, give me series and I will iron).

Downton Abbey has a special place in my heart, since I managed to visit the house in Newbury on my UK trip.  They film most of the show at Highclere Castle, which is actually the home of the Earl and Countess of Carnarvon. It’s quite something to see recent family photos interspersed between ancient family portraits. While it didn’t really feel like Downton while I was there, I recognised so much when I rewatch the show. Every glimpse of a painting or sculpture in the dining room, stair case or library gives me a special thrill.

Visiting Highclere was definitely a highlight of my trip! Unfortunately I wasn’t allowed to take photos inside the house, but here are some photos of me there and the grounds.

Copyright - Sharon Paine

Copyright - Sharon Paine

Copyright - Sharon Paine

Copyright - Sharon Paine