Careful what you wish for...

I wonder how it feels when a couple has been trying for a baby, and then suddenly, the stick turns blue and everything is changed forever. I literally feel like I’ve pee’d on the stick and now a little blue house is staring back at me. This is what we wanted, why am I so terrified now? We got our bond, a 100% bond… we prayed and God gave us what we asked for… we caught the magical unicorn, the rare 100% bond in a time when no one believed we’d get one. This is what we asked for…

I’ve calmed down significantly, but a few hours ago I was almost hysterical… I think I phoned Brother about 5 times, each time I’m sure we was getting more and more upset with me. He used that calm authoritative voice that he clearly learnt from Dad, or maybe it’s a class they give teachers… it doesn’t calm… it made me feel 5 years old…. Now I can see that he is just as freaked out as I am. This is huge… this is real now.

I feel ok now, why was I freaking out? Is it the loss of freedom? I’ve lived alone for 4 years. I suddenly need to be more responsible, more considerate, less messy. These are good things.

Is it the money? The bond repayments will be less than my current rent. But there will be extra, curtains, some paint, I really want to change some things… but it will be ok.

Maybe it's just because it happened so fast? This is good, we aimed for February and we will probably only move it then...

It will be ok. We will be ok.
This is what we wanted.