No Excuses November

I need to exercise... so November's challenge will need to be heavily focussed on exercise... at this rate the zombies will catch me before I've even noticed them!

I've got a few days to come up with a plan.... any ideas Dear Reader?

Bah... humbug...

Just for a chuckle ;)

During the course of Friday I was again refered to as Brother's wife... and nudged during a Baby Shower to be asked when I was going to have a baby.... wow, and then when I say that finding a husband and settling down is not a priority right now, they shake they heads and sympathetically tell me I will find someone, or that when I meet the right person... like sheeeeeeeesh, I've just bought a flat and thus proved that I do not need to get married to carry on with my life. I suppose it's normal that people just want to keep laying on the pressure for the next step... for now I'm very happy to just be "New Property Owner"

Fortunately, according to Wikipedia, I am not a spinster, as I am not moments away from menopause, nor do I spin yarn...

The Happy Couple

Brother and I received a letter from the lawyers, and they referred to us in about 4 points as “Mr and Mrs”. I was horrified, turns out so was Brother. Is it horror at the idea of being seen to be a couple? I’ve always balked when referred to as Mrs – is it simply because I’m not married? I always correct the telesales consultant, and in this case, paralegal.

Part of me felt like by calling me Mrs, they were making me Brother’s dependant, while we are equal… or quite frankly, I’m actually above him. Call it the pecking order, but I think we are both aware of my status as oldest. On the offer to purchase, my name came first but the lawyers put Brother’s name first on their paperwork. Brother even commented on this, saying maybe it was alphabetical.

We are in this 50/50, Brother might be more liquid than I am, but I have 95% of the furniture etc. I’ve seen glimmers of power play from Brother already and I do wonder what the dynamic will be when we live together. I’m sure I will try and look after him, and I don’t mind. But will I become his faux-wife? That seems very weird.

Brother did say I could have the bigger room, but to the same token I told him to take the garage. Maybe it’s about compromising because we understand each other’s needs? When I spoke about skimming the walls of the flat, Brother did seem to think that I expected him to pay for the walls in his room, while I see us as owning every room together. I do worry that my décor will cover the flat and I’m already trying to work out how to make it “ours”. I suppose it will all settle with time.

All in all, I will always be the big sister, but I think this is a whole new chapter.

1 week left of the challenge...

1. 25 days done, and I've managed to keep the 2kg off, so it's for real, not just water weight. 
2. I really like the taste of rye and corn cracker bread
3. Brother has stayed wheat free too, so here's to a low-wheat household going forward!
4. Tummy looks flatter, I wish I could say it was happier, but this month has been a bit stressful...

Adult Bookstore...

Wicked Wheat

It’s been over 3 weeks of “Wheat-Free October” and admittedly, I did cheat once, on Saturday. We were painting murals all day, I was starving, and I couldn’t just eat viennas, so I ate 2 hot dogs. I was very tempted to just cheat fully with a glass of wine, but was told that wheat was forgivable, while wine is very much not… This month has been pretty hectic with flat buying and what-not… I’ve been dying for a glass of wine… so let’s not discuss wine!

Sans-wheat, I have managed to drop 2kg without actually doing any exercise, so I’ve done some reading.

According to Dr Mark Hyman on the Huffpost Healthy Living Blog, there are 3 ways that wheat makes you fat:

1. It contains a Super Starch -- amylopectin A that is super fattening.
2. It contains a form of Super Gluten that is super-inflammatory.
3. It contains forms of a Super Drug that is super-addictive and makes you crave and eat more.

Apparently it does not only contribute to weight gain, but depression too? Strange because I crave pasta, pizza etc when I’m most down. Think I might have only vaguely touched on it before, but I am depressed – medicated, but it still something that defines me. My emotions effect my stomach, wheat effects my stomach… could I just have been engaged in a crazy vicious circle of abuse to my stomach? It’s definitely something to consider…

I am really determined not to slip into bad habits again, this wheat thing needs to be controlled. I’m considering these two books:

Bread Is The Devil

Wheat Belly

Careful what you wish for...

I wonder how it feels when a couple has been trying for a baby, and then suddenly, the stick turns blue and everything is changed forever. I literally feel like I’ve pee’d on the stick and now a little blue house is staring back at me. This is what we wanted, why am I so terrified now? We got our bond, a 100% bond… we prayed and God gave us what we asked for… we caught the magical unicorn, the rare 100% bond in a time when no one believed we’d get one. This is what we asked for…

I’ve calmed down significantly, but a few hours ago I was almost hysterical… I think I phoned Brother about 5 times, each time I’m sure we was getting more and more upset with me. He used that calm authoritative voice that he clearly learnt from Dad, or maybe it’s a class they give teachers… it doesn’t calm… it made me feel 5 years old…. Now I can see that he is just as freaked out as I am. This is huge… this is real now.

I feel ok now, why was I freaking out? Is it the loss of freedom? I’ve lived alone for 4 years. I suddenly need to be more responsible, more considerate, less messy. These are good things.

Is it the money? The bond repayments will be less than my current rent. But there will be extra, curtains, some paint, I really want to change some things… but it will be ok.

Maybe it's just because it happened so fast? This is good, we aimed for February and we will probably only move it then...

It will be ok. We will be ok.
This is what we wanted.

Nostalgia

Words are beautiful, think of your favourite snippet of poetry, a lyric, something that some said to you off hand, something that stuck with you, something so powerful that just hearing those words can twist you round and send you straight back to another place and time.

But why stop at words? A melody, a smell, a painting, a sunrise, an face from the past…

Sometimes one thing can trigger off such an overwhelming ripple effect of memories that your breath is quite taken away. This might sound so insane, but I have to write it. I feel so overwhelmed by nostalgia, pricks of forgotten pain.

The trigger for me tonight was watching a movie called “Remember Me”, something that I’ve had on my hard-drive for the longest time and avoided, probably because it stars Robert Pattinson. But I gave it a chance, and it crawl up and around my heart, flaking off strange nostalgia for poems I’ve forgotten. Somewhere in my teens I got hold of a collection of poems by Rod McKuen, I don’t think many of my friends would even know who he is, but he wrote the lyrics of the song “Seasons in the Sun”. I must have picked up the book at a 2nd hand book stall, maybe urged by my mom. However I came about owning it, it moved me. Lines that haunt me still, glimmers of adult themes, who knows, I flicked through the book now and poems I’d forgotten about were so familiar, like seeing an old friend.

If I thought
that I was dying,
and I am
            of inattention,
                         indifference
                         and the need
to prove just once
                 I’ve lived –
for someone
              other than myself,
what would/should
my reaction be?
Especially if I knew
that finally and forever
there would be no one.

An excerpt from “The Pause, Before the Going” – Rod McKuen

Reading these words, the words that have haunted me for probably 15 years, brought back a few lines of a poem by D.H Lawrence. I remember my surprise at finding a poem like this in my poetry setwork book, it seemed a strange concept to me.

I am worn out
with the effort of trying to love people
and not succeeding

Now I’ve made up my mind
I love nobody, I am going to love nobody,
I’m not going to tell any lies about it
and it’s final.

An excerpt from “The effort of love” – D.H Lawrence

I could go on and on with haunting lines, but will end for good measure with the painting that made an 8 year old me fall in love with Dali... I was a very cultured child.

Metamorphosis of Narcissus - Salvador Dalí (1937)

20 days left of my 20's

And if we really need to grow-up.... here are the rules: The Do's and Don'ts Of Becoming A Grown-Up

Sweet Escape...

Amongst all that seems to be going on, all good yet consuming, a girl needs an escape. I managed to get my hands on the “missing” episode of Downton Abbey – you know the situation, you have a whole series but there is one episode missing in the middle? You can piece everything together, but there are still big gaps in the story arch.

What bliss, I was even inspired to abolish my mountain of ironing (yes, take notes Brother, give me series and I will iron).

Downton Abbey has a special place in my heart, since I managed to visit the house in Newbury on my UK trip.  They film most of the show at Highclere Castle, which is actually the home of the Earl and Countess of Carnarvon. It’s quite something to see recent family photos interspersed between ancient family portraits. While it didn’t really feel like Downton while I was there, I recognised so much when I rewatch the show. Every glimpse of a painting or sculpture in the dining room, stair case or library gives me a special thrill.

Visiting Highclere was definitely a highlight of my trip! Unfortunately I wasn’t allowed to take photos inside the house, but here are some photos of me there and the grounds.

Copyright - Sharon Paine

Copyright - Sharon Paine

Copyright - Sharon Paine

Copyright - Sharon Paine

I'll Tell You What I Want...

Excuse me Dear Reader, can you stop wiggling your hips while lip syncing Spice Girls....

On the 1st of September, a darling friend and I spent our Saturday night surrounded by magazines, glue and poster board... yes, we saw Spring in by making VISION BOARDS.

The idea is to make a collage of words and pictures illustrating "What I want", as in future goals and wants. In a way I did it for fun, but over the last 6 and a bit weeks I've seen that subconsciously I prioritised my goals. Certain things or there, but certain things are not...

Here's my board

Without breaking it down too much, I covered the following:
Healthy eating
Weight-loss
Exercise
Friendships
Love
God
Art
Work
Travel
Car
Good sleeping

AND HOUSE

Certain things are missing: studies and writing

So while me blogging is obviously writing, I'm not trying to get paid by writing, studying writing, or writing anything significant - ie a novel.
Studies are obviously not top of my mind either. Which makes me think it is not a big priority right now.

Home owning is front and centre, and I think we all know it is TOP GOAL at the moment! Probably worth mentioning that Brother and I had decided to start flat hunting just the night before.

Healthy eating and weight-loss, while not being necessarily focused on, I've changed by diet by cutting out wheat and alcohol this month... and loss 2kg.


I'm trying to enjoy work, dress colourfully and keep quoting "Try to value your own opinions and celebrate your successes, however small" - all inspired by the board

A good start I think!!!


I'd really recommend making a board and keeping it somewhere that you will see it daily - It's great to have a reminder of "What I Want".

Good luck kids

xxxx

Sibling Bonding...

So.... the offer we put in for the flat was accepted last night... after jumping up and down on my bed (and then collapsing with coughs... not well, not well at all) I called my brother.

Now we have all the admin involved in getting a bond... eeeeek.....


Obviously I have no monthly budget to speak of, so spent yesterday evening trawling through bills to find out how much I actually pay on clothing accounts every month *frowns*
It looks to be ok, the bond repayments will be lower than my current rent (good hey?)

Well, watch this space.... hold thumbs/pray/dance... whatever it takes to get us this bond!

Socially Awkward

Dietary restrictions are socially awkward… not drinking is fine, but wheat free? Over the last week I’ve had to decline so much wheat.

I’m busy with a “charity” project through church; we are painting the outside of a home for young guys. I helped with the prep on Saturday and a selection of muffins was presented as a tea-time treat – I was starving but had to decline.

I had to decline birthday cake and numerous yummy treats… the birthday cake looked amazing… seriously…. A sweet boy did dip a strawberry in the creamy icing for me… (Seriously a good move guys….)

Communion at church was a bit odd too, I suppose it would have been fine to partake, it wasn’t a meal… but I skipped the bread… it just felt weird.

Then comes the big one…. “When Someone Invites You Over For Dinner” – Do I say “no wheat please?” or awkwardly just take a chance? Not everyone I dine with is a close friend who understands my insane challenges. For 5 years I had to tell hosts that I don’t eat meat, is wheat such a bit deal? I know I should avoid it, but I’m not that sure that I feel better for it this time?

I still need to think about my diet going forward… no carbs after 4pm or no carbs during the week are two options to try out next month – but it’s difficult either way.

Maybe it’s my negative flu vibes, but I’m more than over this month’s challenge….

Mind Jumble Unravel...

I’m trying to eat balanced meals, but I feel blocked. Actually feel pretty blocked on every level - creatively too. That’s why I haven’t managed to blog, strangely enough I feel inspired to write about how uninspired I am…

I have flu, it makes me miserable and grumpy. I have so much on my mind and dare not even start listing everything now… or do I?

1.       Put an offer in on flat on Friday – waiting to hear

2.       If they accept the offer, what bond will we get?

3.       My car was fixed but still isn’t better – I really need a new car, but where would the money come from? I’m buying a freakin flat…

4.       I have to give 2 months’ notice on my lease, but I might own property in less than 2 months… do I just pay extra rent? Management are super sticky

5.       I was going to go away for Christmas, but if I’m moving? I don’t know what to commit to, I feel like I’m in limbo

6.       Do I study next year? Why do I WANT to study? Where do I get money from?

7.       I am turning 30 and had expectations about where I’d be at this point…

8.       I need to have my wisdom’s removed – again money issue

9.       Need to secure hotdog sponsorship for the revamp we’re busy with at a Young Guy’s Home

OK…

So:

·         Mail the bond originator NOW

·         Relax

·         Leave studying and trips alone for now

·         Just tell dad the car isn’t well

·         Have faith…. PRAY

·         Sleep off this flu that making you so grumpy

Sorry if this bored you out of your mind, it helped me and my process.