Day 80 #100daysofwriting

This is a catch up post.

Day 80 fell on Saturday the 15th. My challenge days fall beautifully in line with my days of sobriety, so Saturday was my 680th sober day and marked 50 days till my 2 years. Hush, hush... we can't be sure of the future, so we quickly mumble "God willing" and rap our knuckles on a table.

Rap... a knocking sound... or a type of music. Does R.A.P. stand for something? Repetitive Angry Poetry? Strangely enough, those are Brother's initials too.

Back to contemplating my sobriety. Someone said to me "It's a pity that you can't drink anymore" - I turned that over and over in my mind. I physically can drink alcohol. I just don't want or need to drink alcohol.

Same story for the common question of, "Do you think you will ever be able to drink again?" - I never lost the ability. I just don't want or need to drink alcohol. I don't regret my past but that's what it is, the past.

I also really like racking up my clean days. I don't need praise, I just like to count them. I don't ever want to have to start at 1 again. If that keeps me plodding along then I'm happy to count.

That makes me think about how when I went for the tattoo on my ribs, the pain was unbearable until Brother got me to count out loud. Maybe it calms me somehow, even if counting sheep isn't my thing...

Adios x