I admit my addictive personality, I must say I always dismissed it as a concept because I didn't get into smoking or feel the need to try weed more than a few times. I was obviously blind to the real addictions that had already taken hold.
As with all addictions, mine centre on escaping situations and escaping my feelings, escaping my common sense, a longing for distraction, comfort and affirmation. I used to drink, like a lot, for all of the above reasons. I used to claim that I was just classy and appreciated wine... But I used to enjoy the oblivion I could achieve, the confidence I could fake. I used it to hide and to lie. Alcohol needed to be weeded right out of my garden in order for me to thrive spiritually, the lies were too much for me.
The other three addictions are the kind of things that need to be reined in, or they will destroy me. Food, men and shopping.
Food will not only make me fat, but ill if I abuse it. I get a very short lived comfort from carbs and chocolate. I mostly just feel ill.
Men. Well... Longing after the wrong ones, taking things said in anger to heart, putting too much value in the attention and affirmation of men. I find that without alcohol... I have very little tolerance of idiots... This doesn't bode well in dating.
Shopping... Well spending and spending on things is unhealthy. Cupboards full of clothes, the temporary high, the tokens of status. It's so empty. I've totally embraced budgeting and feel freedom already.
I feel off kilter, and my addict is needy today... I needed to just acknowledge in order to put her in her place. I ain't got the time for empty solutions... I'm going to face my dragons face on.
Xxx
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